THE  ROBERT  E.  COWAN  COLLECTION 

PRESENTED    TO    THE 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CflLIF.ORNIR 


C.  P.  HUNTINGTON 

dUNE,  1897. 

Recession  No.^ 5"  73^  Class  No 


» 

(Si     |) 


THE 


DUKE  OF  SACRAMENTO. 


SAN    FBANCISCO: 

FRANKLIN  PRESS,  186  MONTGOMERY  STREET. 
1856. 


• 


Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1856,  in  the  Clerk's 
office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  in  and  for  the  Northern 
District  of  California. 


I 


THE 

DUKE    OF    SACRAMENTO. 


CHARACTERS. 

CHARLES  OPERATOR,  Resident  Director  in  California  of  the 
Ever-Flowing  Golden  Fountain  Quartz  Company. 

AMOS  DITCH,  New  Director,  just  arrived. 

RICHARD  TUNNEL,  ~j 

THOMAS  MINER,      (OPERATOR'S  Staff,  sent  out  with  him  by 

JOHN  SHAFT,  [      the  Company  from  London. 

EDWARD  WHEEL,  J 

Major  KILFARDY,  a  General  Quartz  Agent. 

JONES,  SMITH,  and  BROWN,  gentlemen  of  leisure,  friends  of 
Operator  and  his  staff. 

CLARK,  a  particular  friend  of  Tunnel. 

TOBIAS  CONFIDENCE,  an  old  gentleman. 

GEORGE  BREES,  a  friend  of  Confidence. 

Low  and  HIGH,  Grocery  Merchants. 

NED  and  JOE,  two  loafing  boys. 

CONSTABLE. 

JULIA,  wife  of  Confidence,  mistress  of  Tunnel. 

CLARA,  wife  of  Brown. 

OCCUPANT,  POSTMAN,  CONSTABLE. 

Two  MINERS,  friends  to  Brown, 

SERVANTS, 


ACT  I. 

SCENE — A  Dining  Room.  Mr.  OPERATOR  seated  at  table 
with  the  members  of  his  Staff,  and  Major  KIL- 
FARDY,  an  invited  guest. 

Operator.     So  you  have  never  been  married. 

Major.  No,  please  your  honor ;  yet,  do  you  see,  I've  had 
lots  of  fun  in  my  time. 

Operator.  But  would  you  not  like  to  try  marriage  ?  There 
must  be  something  good  in' it,  else  so  many  men  would  not 
engage  in  the  speculation. 

Major.  There,  do  you  see,  you  stumbled  on  the  word — 
speculation. 

Tunnel.     I  don't  know  about  that. 

Major.  I'll  prove  it.  Do  you  see,  it's  for  better  or  worse; 
if  it's  for  better,  you  gain;  if  for  worse,  you  lose.  Heads  I  win, 
tails  you  lose;  same  chance  in  marriage — it's  all  a  spec. 

Operator.     Mr.  Tunnel  you  are  beat;  I  call  for  a  song. 

All.     A  song  !  A  song  from  Tunnel. 

Operator.  Hear  !  Hear !  A  song  from  Mr.  Tunnel.  (TuN- 
NEL  sings.) 

We  come  from  Old  England  to  purchase  a  lode 

Of  gold-bearing  quartz  on  a  mountain  ; 
Tho'  half  of  the  money  we've  spent  on  the  road, 

Still  more  of  it  flows  from  the  Fountain. 

With  rollers  and  stamps  we'll  knock  out  the  gold, 

And  grind  up  the  rock  to  a  powder, 
And  when  in  Old  Britain  the  stock  is  all  sold, 

Why,  then  we  can  spree  it  the  louder. 

Let  the  parties  at  home  but  keep  up  the  noise 
By  sharp  pricking  the  Bulls  and  the  Bears, 

While  we  will  amuse  them  with  specimen  toys, 
And  thus  aid  them  in  selling  their  shares. 

Let  all  the  good  people,  who  fortunes  would  make, 

All  their  money  in  quartz  put  secure. 
And  may  the  Gold  Fountain  be  changed  to  a  lake, 

That  shall  last  while  the  world  shall  endure. 

Miner.  Here's  to  the  everlasting  flowing  of  the  Golden 
Fountain.  (They  drink.) 

Major.     Here's  to  the  company's  quartz  and  to  our  pints. 

Several.     Capital!  Good!  Excellent!     (They  drink.) 

Operator.  Order,  gentlemen,  order,  (Enter  SERVANT 
with  a  letter,} 


Servant.  A  letter  for  Charles  Operator,  Esq.  (OPERATOR 
takes  the  letter  and  reads.  Exit  SERVANT.) 

Several.     What  news  ? 

Operator.  Gentlemen,  we  are  undone.  I,  your  director, 
friend,  and  companion,  am  superceded  in  my  office  by  one 
Amos  Ditch,  late  of  Cheapside,  London. 

Tunnel.  There  must  be  some  mistake.  The  company  never 
could  be  so  ungrateful — never  so  forgetful  of  your  long  servi 
ces.  The  letter  is  a  forgery. 

All.     Shame !     Shaine  on  them  ! 

Operator.  No,  gentlemen,  it  is  no  forgery.  It  bears  the 
Company's  stamp,  and  was  written  at  the  office  of  the  Board  of 
Directors,  in  London. 

Miner.  Companies  are  always  ungrateful.  I  know  this 
Ditch  well ;  my  father's  footman  bought  his  clothes  from  him. 
He  is  an  adventurer  in  the  company  to  the  amount  of  ten 
thousand  pounds.  This  has  secured  him  his  appointment.  He 
is  as  ignorant  as  an  ass,  and  knows  as  little  of  the  history  of 
his  own  country  as  he  does  of  America. 

Shaft.  But  he'll  want  to  see  our  lodes  and  mills,  which  we 
have  so  lauded  in  the  papers. 

Operator.  Yes,  and  he'll  inquire  as  to  what  we've  done 
with  the  money.  That's  the  wheel  where  there  is  most  fric 
tion. 

Wheel.  How  much  is  left  of  the  one  hundred  thousand 
dollars  ? 

Operator.  About  ten  thousand.  Mr.  Miner  and  Tunnel, 
you  will  meet  me  to-night  to  devise  ways  and  means  to  meet 
his  inquiries.  I  must  further  inform  you  that  he  brings  twenty 
thousand  pounds  to  extend  the  Company's  works. 

Several.     Hear !     Hear ! 

Operator.  I  should  not  be  surprised  if  he  were  in  San 
Francisco  at  this  moment ;  however,  we  shall  know  in  a  day  or 
so.  (Enter  BROWN,  SMITH,  JONES,  and  CLARK.) 

Tunnel.     Our  American  friends.     Welcome,  my  lads. 

Operator.  Most  welcome,  gentlemen ;  pray,  be  seated. 
Your  healths,  kind  friends.  (They  all  Jill  and  drink.') 

Brown.     What  news  ? 

Operator.  Bad  enough.  They  have  sent  out  a  new  Di 
rector. 

Jones.     With  plenty  of  money  ? 


6 

Operator.     Yes,  with  some  twenty  thousand  pounds. 

Smith.     More  money  than  brains,  I  suppose  ? 

Miner.  Exactly.  Yet  at  home,  in  a  small  way,  he  is  sharp 
enough  in  making  and  saving  money.  I  do  not  believe  he 
ever  read  any  thing  except  the  advertisements  in  a  newspaper. 

Brown.  Well,  we  must  take  courage  and  contrive  to  man 
age  him,  and  send  the  goose  home  well  plucked. 

Several.     That  we  shall. 

Operator.  No  more  of  this  for  the  present.  Ho !  there, 
waiter,  clear  off  this  table;  and  then  for  the  cards.  Mr. 
Brown,  you  will  meet  us  this  evening  in  private  consultation. 

Brown.     Depend  on  me,  sir.     (Enter  SERVANT.) 

Major.     Your  good  health,  gentlemen.     (They  all  drink.) 

SCENE — A  Street  in  San  Francisco.     CONFIDENCE  standing 
before  a  house. 

Confidence.     This  must  be  my  house,  or  the  lot  where  my 
house   stood.     Dear,  generous,  prudent,  lovely  Julia,  how  my 
heart  yearns  to  clasp  thee  once  more  to  my  anxious,  doating 
heart.      (He  raps  at  the  door,  which  is  opened  by  the  occupant.) 
Occupant.     What  is  your  business,  sir  ? 
Confidence.     Where's  my  darling  Julia  ?     Stand  aside,  sir, 
let  me  pass.     Julia !  Oh,  Julia,  my  dearest ! 

Occupant.  Sir,  you  are  mistaken.  There  is  no  Julia  in 
this  house. 

Confidence.  I  say  I  will  pass.  I  will  fly  into  the  open 
arms  of  my  beloved  wife,  Julia. 

Occupant.  Sir,  I  tell  you,  on  my  word  of  honor,  that  no 
Julia  lives  in  this  house. 

Confidence.  But,  sir,  consider  the  feelings  of  a  husband, 
who  has  been  absent  in  the  States  for  the  last  nine  months, 
and  now  returns  in  eager  haste  to  clasp  his  angel  wife  to  his 
panting  heart.  Sir,  if  you  ever  knew  the  feelings  of  a  hus 
band  you  will  let  me  pass. 

Occupant.  Sir,  this  part  of  the  city  was  destroyed  by  fire 
some  six  months  ago.  This  lot  was  sold  for  taxes,  and  pur 
chased  by  me,  on  which  I  have  built  this  house. 

Confidence.  Sir,  you  astound  me.  But  where,  tell  me 
where,  can  I  find  my  precious  Julia  ?  Oh,  tell  me  where,  good 
friend. 


OF  T»« 

UNIVERSITY 


Occupant.  I  have  understood  that  the  lady  who  occupied 
this  house  before  the  fire  had  gone  out  to  service  at  a  hotel. 

Confidence.  Oh,  Heavens  !  Julia,  what  you  must  have 
suffered. 

Occupant.  Not  suffered,  sir  •  women  are  always  cared  for  in, 
California. 

Confidence.  Sir  I  Sir  !  You  alarm  me.  You  choke  me. 
You  send  my  heart  into  my  throat.  You  swell  my  palate. 
Sir,  you  — 

Occupant.  Ah,  there  comes  young  Ned,  he  knows  all  about 
her.  (Enter  NED.)  Ned,  show  this  gentleman  where  Miss 
Julia  resides.  I  have  no  doubt  he  will  reward  you  well  for  it. 

Confidence.  That  I  will,  my  young  man.  I  will  give  you 
twenty  dollars. 

NED.     Then,  sir,  follow  me. 

Confidence.  I  am  delighted,  sir  —  he,  he,  ha,  ha.  Your 
hand,  sir.  When  you  want  a  friend  call  on  Tobias  Confidence. 
(They  shake  hands.) 

Occupant.  Thank  you,  sir  ;  goodbye.  (Exit  CONFIDENCE, 
bowing.'}  Well,  he  may  find  her,  but  Heaven  help  him  when 
he  does.  Things  are  never  stationary  here.  That  old  gentle 
man  can't  calculate  upon  his  wife  no  more  than  I  can  calculate 
upon  the  title  to  this  lot.  I  must  go  and  see  my  lawyej. 

SCENE  —  A  Room.     JULIA  and  CLARA  seated,  dressed. 

Julia.  I  hope  no  evil  has  befallen  Tunnel.  Here  we  have 
been  waiting,  dressed  for  the  play,  for  this  last  hour,  and  nei 
ther  of  them  have,  as  yet,  made  their  appearance.  Hush  ! 
They  come.  (Enter  BROWN  and  TUNNEL.) 

'Clara.     So,  you  truants,  you  have  come  at  last. 

Julia.     Something  of  importance  must  have  detained  you. 

Brown.  Yes,  my  darling.  But  let  us  to  our  room,  Clara, 
I  wish  a  word  with  you.  (Exit  CLARA  and  BROWN.) 

Julia.  Why,  Tunnel,  how  sad,  aye,  unhappy  you  look. 
(Kissing  him.)  How  strange,  you,  who  are  usually  so  gay. 
Impart  your  sorrows  to  me  ;  I  have  a  right  to  share  them. 

Tunnel.  But  then  they  will  but  add  to  your  disappoint 
ment. 

Julia.  Speak  —  your  silence  Avill  render  me  more  unhappy 
than  a  knowledge  of  all  your  troubles.  Have  you  lost  at  play? 


8 

Tunnel     No. 

Julia.     Well,  what  on  earth  can  render  you  so  melancholy? 

Tunnel.  Our  Director  has  been  discharged.  We  have 
squandered  all  the  money,  and  have  nothing  to  show  for  it,  and 
our  new  superintendent  cannot  fail  to  discover  our  evil  prac 
tices. 

Julia.  Is  that  all  ?  And  for  a  man  in  California  to  let 
such  trifles  depress  his  spirits  !  Leave  him  to  me,  I'll  manage 
him. 

Tunnel.  I  know  your  beauty  and  wit  are  not  to  be  excelled  j 
but  he  is  old,  and,  while  all  other  passions  are  dead  within 
him,  that  of  avarice  remains. 

Julia.  The  older  and  dryer  the  wood  the  quicker  it  burns. 
(Sings.} 

Who  would  have  a  woman's  eyes, 

Unless  to  charm  the  young  and  old  ? 
For  with  a  glance,  if  she  but  tries, 

She'll  heat  his  blood  or  melt  his  gold. 

Who  would  have  a  woman's  voice, 

Unless  to  breathe  such  sighs  that  move 

The  heart  to  know  no  other  choice, 
And  ev'ry  whisper'd  thought  approve  ? 

Who  would  have  a  woman's  grace, 

Unless  to  captivate  the  brain, 
And  in  fancy's  mirror  trace 

The  loves  that  follow  in  her  train  ? 

Who  would  have  a  woman's  face, 

Unless  to  sooth  by  beauty's  glow, 
And,  with  smiles,  to  warm  each  place 

Where  plants  of  warm  affection  grow  ? 

Tunnel.     Ah,  Julia,  you  but  mock  my  cares. 

Julia.  No,  indeed ;  I  wish  to  teach,  that  troubles  and 
cares  are  only  heavy  when  the  mind  is  permitted  to  dwell  upon 
them.  Yesterday,  your  laughter  rang  loud  thro'  the  house ; 
to-day,  it  is  announced  that  one  Monsieur  Ditch  is  coming  from 
abroad,  and  you  are  as  mute  as  a  mouse,  and  look  as  drooping 
as  the  last  rose  of  summer ;  and  Clara  and  I,  forsooth,  must 
forego  the  pleasure  of  visiting  the  theatre,  merely  bacause  you 
expect  a  ditch  or  dug-out,  or  some  such  water  conveyance. 

Tunnel.     Nay,  Julia,  I  will  go  with  you  to  the  play. 

Julia.     Charles,  when  I  consented  to  become  your  compan- 


9 

__; 

Jon  thro'  life,  it  was  because  I  loved  you  truly,  devotedly.  My 
husband  left  me  a  beggar  upon  the  cold  charities  of  the  world. 
You  were  kind,  and  professed  to  have  discovered  in  me  supe 
rior  qualities  of  mind  and  disposition.  You  offered  me  mar 
riage  ;  I  could  not  then  gratify  your  wish,  owing  to  the  doubt 
existing  as  to  my  husband's  death.  You  have  sworn  before 
the  holy  alter  of  truth  to  make  me  your  true  and  lawful  wife ; 
but  in  thought,  feeling,  and  body,  I  am  as  much  your  devoted 
wife  as  all  the  ceremonies  of  State  or  church  could  render  me. 
As  a  wife  you  have  always  treated  me,  and  as  a  wife  I  will 
always  adhere  to  you  thro'  good  and  bad  fortune.  (She  kisses 
him.) 

Tunnel.  Aye,  but  should  he  not  be  dead,  and  come  in 
search  of  you  ? 

Julia.  Make  yourself  easy  on  this  point ;  I  will  not  own 
him.  His  desertion  would  prove  his  baseness.  I  would  scorn 
him.  (Enter  CONFIDENCE,  who  rushes  towards  JULIA  with 
open  arms.) 

Confidence.  Julia !  Julia,  I  come  !  Your  Tobias  comes 
with  open  arms  to  clasp  thee  to  his  aching  heart. 

Tunnel.  Hold,  sir  !  You  labor  under  a  great  mistake.  That 
lady  is  my  wife. 

Confidence.  Sir !  Sir !  It  is  you  who  mistake.  Speak, 
Julia,  speak !  and  fly  into  the  arms  of  your  beloved  Tobias 
Confidence. 

Tunnel.  Old  man,  beware  !  Do  not  insult  my  wife,  or,  by 
the  gods  above — 

Julia.  Sir,  I  know  you  not.  Begone  from  my  presence, 
and  seek  your  wife  elsewhere.  Charles  Tunnel,  there,  standing 
before  your  face,  is  my  husband.  I  have  said  it,  and  I  mean 
it — now  permit  me  to  show  you  the  door.  (She  opens  the 
door.) 

Confidence.  As  Heaven  is  my  judge  !  Disown  yottr  lawful 
husband,  Tobias  Confidence ! 

Tunnel.  Away,  old  dotard,  or  I'll  kick  you  out  of  the 
house. 

Confidence.  Oh,  sir,  have  pity  on  my  weakness;  I  know 
that  it  is  unmanly  to  weep.  I  mean  no  offence  towards  either 
of  you.  On  landing  fmm  the,  steamer  my  heart  was  full  of 
joy — now  it  feels  as  heavy  as  solid  lead.  Julia,  in  your  blind 
ness,  you  deny  me,  yet  I  will  watch  over  you,  I  can  never 


10 

more  be  as  a  husband,  but  I'll  be  a  friend  in  the  hour  of 
trouble  ;  for  sorrow  and  trouble  will  come  upon  you — error  and 
vice  produce  both.  I  leave,  tottering  more  under  the  pressure 
of  sorrow  than  of  age.  Julia,  my  heart  bleeds — yet  remember, 
when  want  and  misery  oppress  your  fair  being,  that  you  will 
always  find  a  friend  in  Tobias  Confidence,  ready  and  willing  to 
serve  you  until  death.  Farewell,  until  that  hour  of  tribulation. 
(Exit  CONFIDENCE,  weeping.') 

Tunnel.     Julia  !  What,  crying  ? 

Julia.  Oh,  Charles,  what  have  I  not  sacrificed  for  your 
love  ? 

Tunnel.     He  is  an  old  hypocritical  fool. 

Julia.  Charles,  he  was  once  my  husband — his  words  sound 
so  prophetic. 

Tunnel.  And  is  that  all,  for  a  woman  in  California  to  let 
such  trifles  depress  her  spirits  ?  Leave  him  tome,  I'll  manage 
him. 

Who  would  have  a  woman's  face, 

Falderal,  falderal,  dee,  dee. 

(  JULIA  chases  him  round  with  her  fan.) 

Tunnel.  (Kissing  her.}  "Well,  we'll  say  no  more  about 
troubles;  let  them  go  whence  they  came. 

Julia.     So  be  it.     (Enter  BROWN  and  CLARA.) 

Brown.     We  must  away,  to  consult  an  affair  of  importance. 

Tunnel.     Ladies,  expect  us  at  ten. 

Clara.     Remember — no  longer  than  ten. 

Julia.  A  word,  Tunnel,  (tike  whispers  in  his  ear.  Exit 
(mines.") 

SCENE — OPERATOR  walking  alone  in  his  Parlor. 

Operator.  Fools  !  Did  they  think  that  I  was  to  be  used  as 
a  mere  tool,  and  then  cast  aside  when  they  had  no  further  use 
for  me?  They  did  not  say  in  their  letters,  Mr.  Operator,  do 
thus  and  so — thus  they  shun  responsibility — but  they  led  me 
to  infer — that  is,  to  keep  up  appearances.  Well,  I  see  thro' 
it  all,  and  they  shall  pay  for  it  all  now.  This  Cheapside  ass 
comes  out  with  a  heavy  burden ;  we  will  send  him  home  with 
his  load  considerably  lightened.  Theirs  was  a  nice  game.  In 
case  of  failure,  upon  my  shoulders  would  rest  the  blame.  But 
if  we  don't  play  them  a  trick  worth  this  ass's  weight  in  gold, 


11 

I  underrate  my  men.  (Enter  MINER,  TUNNEL,  and  BROWN.) 
Welcome,  gentlemen  ;  be  seated.  We  meet  on  weighty  busi 
ness  ;  you  are  all  conversant  with  its  details.  I  have  been 
with  you,  and,  as  one  of  you,  shared  with  you  freely  and  fairly. 
They  will  implicate  us  all,  and  if  one  goes  overboard  all  must 
follow. 

All.     We  know  it,  and  will  stand  by  you. 

Operator.  He  will  be  very  strict  in  his  examination  of  the 
accounts,  and  he  will  force  us  to  show  the  quartz  veins,  and 
also  the  mill,  at  work,  belonging  to  the  company.  The  twenty 
thousand  pounds  he  brings  belongs  of  right  to  us,  for  it  was 
through  our  representations  that  most  of  the  shares  were  sold, 
and  if  we  do  not  manage,  by  some  sham  or  trick,  to  get  at  least 
our  portion  of  it,  depend  upon  it,  we  will  be  cast  aside— left 
penniless  upon  the  world,  while  they  sit  at  their  ease,  enjoying 
the  fruits  of  our  labor.  Mind  you,  no  violence,  no  threats- — • 
a  farce,  if  you  will,  well  played — a  happy  manoeuvre — a  game 
at  which  we  all  can  play.  I  do  not  mean  cards.  He  must  be 
proved  an  ass — a  dolt — a  dupe.  His  ignorance  must  reflect 
on  those  who  sent  him. 

Tunnel.  May  it  please  you,  sir,  ideas  similar  to  those  just 
expressed  have  occurred  to  us,  and  Mr.  Miner  has  suggested  a 
happy  conceit,  which  we  offer  for  your  consideration.  This 
Amos  Ditch  is  said  to  be  extremely  partial  to  the  nobility.  It 
has  been  remarked  of  him  that  he  would  give  his  fortune  and 
his  life  for  an  Earldom.  He  will  trust  an  Earl's  footman,  while 
he  would  refuse  credit  to  an  honest  laborer.  Suffice  it  to  say, 
that  his  veneration  for  the  nobility  is  excessive,  and  Mr.  Miner 
has  suggested  that  possibly — I  say  he  has  slightly  hinted — 
there  might  be  found  in  California  a  Duke  of  Sacramento,  and 
a  Marquis  of  Yuba,  and,  probably,  should  it  be  required,  an 
Earl  of  Buttes,  through  whom  we  can  operate,  and  from  whom 
large  mining  property  might  be  purchased. 

Operator.  By  my  faith,  I  am  delighted.  Ho,  there, 
Thomas  !  Wine  and  glasses.  (Enter  THOMAS  with  wine  and 
glasses.') 

Tunnel.  And  Mr.  Brown  has  a  most  intimate  friend,  who 
is  now  most  extensively  engaged  in  working  quartz,  who  will 
lend  him  his  veins  and  mill  for  a  week  or  so.  That  is,  permit 
them  to  appear  as  our  property,  purchased  by  us  sometime 
back.  The  veins  are  but  now  fairly  opened.  A  list  of  expen 
ses  taken  from  his  books  will  serve  our  purpose. 


12 

Operator.     Fill  your  glasses,  and  pledge  me  in  a  health  to 
the  nobles  of  California. 

All.  To  the  nobles  of  California  !  (They  drink.} 
Operator.  Gentlemen,  I  pledge  you,  on  the  honor  of  a 
gentleman,  that  I  will  use  my  best  efforts  to  carry  out  your 
plan,  and  I  will  prove  my  sincerity  by  placing  five  thousand 
dollars  at  your  disposal  to  facilitate  your  operations.  Inform 
me  of  your  progress  from  time  to  time.  Let  all  act  in  concert, 
and' leave  him  to  me.  I  will  take  charge  of  him  upon  his  ar 
rival,  and  leave  his  presence  as  little  as  possible.  Silence  must 
be  strictly  observed,  and  be  as  expeditious  as  possible.  One 
more  glass  before  we  part.  Fill  your  glasses  to  the  brim,  and 
join  me  in  wishing  success  to  this  farce. 

AIL     Success  to  this  farce  !     (  They  fill  and  drink.*) 
Operator.     Remember  that  the  proceeds  of  Mr.  Ditch's  ben 
efit  must  be  equally  divided. 


ACT  IL 

SCENE — Bed-room. 

Operator.  (Prom  without.)  This  Way,  sir,  this  way,  if 
you  please.  (Enter  OPERATOR,  and  Mr.  DITCH,  with  Carpet 
bag  and  Umbrella.} 

Ditch.     Quite  comfortable,  I  declare. 

Operator.  Pray  be  seated  ;  I  am  glad  you  find  it  so.  The 
back  room,  to  which  that  door  leads,  I  have  furnished  for  your 
especial  accommodation.  I  have  ordered  the  staff  to  meet  you 
here  to  greet  you  with  respectful  obedience.  They  now  ascend 
the  stairs.  (Enter  TUNNEL,  MINER,  SHAFT,  and  WHEEL.) 
Gentlemen,  this  is  your  new  Director — just  arrived  on  the  last 
steamer — -Amos  Ditch,  Esquire,  late  of  Cheapside,  London. 

All.     Sir,  we  bid  you  welcome. 

Tunnel.  And  hope  that  you  will  be  pleased  with  our  pro 
gress.  (They  shake  hands  with  him.) 

Ditch.  Sir,  I  am  deucedly  hobliged.  Sir,  the  company 
never  forgets  them  who  serves  her  interests.  Perhaps,  Mr. 
Hoperator,  you  had  better  read  the  letter  I  brought. 

Operator.  Certainly,  sir,  (OPERATOR  reads  a  letter 
aloudC) 


13 

"  CHARLES  OPERATOR,  Esq.  : — 

u  SIR  :  On  this  letter  being  presented  to  you  by  our  es 
teemed  representative,  Amos  Ditch,  Esq.,  you  will  notify  your 
staff  of  his  arrival,  and  surrender  into  his  possession  all  prop 
erty  and  gold  mines  belonging  to  the  Ever-Flowing  Gold 
Fountain  Quartz  Mining  Company;  likewise  all  moneys  and 
papers  belonging  to  the  same.  The  Board  of  Directors 
would  suggest  that  you  remain  in  the  company's  employ  until 
Mr.  Ditch  become  conversant  with  the  practical  duties  of  his 
office.  And  we  further  state  that  Mr.  Ditch  is  provided  with 
ample  means  to  extend  the  company's  works  or  possessions. 
When,  upon  examination  of  the  books,  Mr.  Ditch  shall  give 
you  a  certificate  of  their  correctness,  you  are  to  consider  your 
time  at  your  own  disposal ;  and  this  applies  to  any  and  all  of 
your  staff  that  Mr.  Ditch  may  think  proper  to  remove." 

Ditch.  You  see,  my  men,  the  hextent  of  my  power  •  and 
don't  let  me  catch  any  of  you  hidle — be  off  to  work. 

Tunnel.     But,  sir,  we  wish  to  hear  your  instructions. 

Ditch.  Not  hanother  word,  sir,  or  I  discharge  you  on  the 
spot.  Be  hoff,  and  don't  let  me  catch  you  late  in  bed  to-mor 
row  morning.  (Exit  members  of  staff,  bowing.^ 

Operator.     It  is  policy  to  deal  kindly  with  the  men. 

Ditch.  I  hintend  to  turn  hover  a  new  leaf.  One  of  the 
hobjections  put  'fore  the  board  'gainst  you  was,  that  you  'lowed 
too  great  latitude  to  the  men,  sir.  Hinstead  of  being  here, 
dressed  up  like  monkeys,  they  should  be  working  in  the  mines 
with  their  coats  hoff. 

Operator,  Sir,  they  are  dressed  in  their  best  clothes  thro' 
respect  to  you — nothing  else. 

Ditch.     Aye,  say  you  so  ?  that's  hanother  question. 

Operator.  Sir,  you  will  be  ushered  into  office  under  the 
most  favorable  auspices.  Of  late  the  foreign  quartz  companies 
have  acquired  some  powerful  friends.  It  was  but  yesterday 
His  Grace  of  Sacramento  was  heard  to  say  that  he  admired  ex 
ceedingly  the  solid  and  extensive  scale  of  English  operations, 
and  he  declared  that  he  would  consult  with  his  cousin,  the 
Marquis  of  Yuba,  as  to  the  propriety  of  relieving  them  from 
the  burdens  of  taxatiom 

Ditch.     Sir,  you  'stound  me  with  gladness.     Are  you  so  for 
tunate  as  to  know  them  in  person?     'Ave  you ' ad  the  'onor 
to  know  them  in  person  ?     Will  you  hobtain  han  hintroduction 
2 


14 

for  me,  sir  ?  I  shall  feel  so  hobliged — I  will,  hindeed.  Hoh, 
sir,  if  we  where  honly  hat  'ome,  hin  Cheapside,  to  get  the  pick 
hof  a  suit  hout  hof  my  fancy  stock  ! 

Operator.  Sir,  it  adds  to  my  pleasure  that  I  am  invited  to 
spend  an  evening  shortly  with  their  highnesses,  at  Echo  Hall, 
on  the  banks  of  the  Sacramento  river. 

Ditch.  But  you'll  take  me,  Mr.  Hoperator,  as  your  friend  ? 
Do,  now,  that's  a  good  fellow. 

Operator.  I  cannot  do  that ;  it  is  contrary  to  court  eti 
quette.  But,  with  your  permission,  I'll  send  one  of  the  mem 
bers  of  the  staff  to  his  grace's  master  of  ceremonies.  I  do  not 
think,  from  our  intimacy,  that  he'll  refuse  me,  as  it  is  to  be 
merely  a  private,  social  audience  with  which  he  honors  the 
companies  thro'  me. 

Ditch.  Sir,  use  the  staff  as  your  hown.  I  am  a  thousand 
times  hobliged.  You  shall  be  my  private  secretary,  and  'ave 
money  to  keep  hup  your  hexhalted  hadvancement  in  hoffice. 
Now  let's  go  and  hexamine  the  books. 

SCENE — JULIA  and  CLARA,  seated. 

Clara.  But  wont  it  make  the  people  stare  when  the  affair 
gets  wind !  Only  to  think  of  the  Major  being  created  a  Duke, 
and  you  a  Duchess,  and  I  a  maid  of  honor — yes,  and  Brown  a 
Marquis. 

Julia.  Yes,  and  Smith,  Jones  and  Clark  great  lords,  atten 
dants  upon  his  highness. 

Clara.  Well,  we  are  only  to  show  ourselves  for  a  few  mo 
ments. 

Julia.  I  shall  be  so  amused  at  the  Major.  We  shall,  at 
all  events,  be  the  gainers  in  new  dresses. 

Clara.  Yes,  and  in  paste  diamonds.  (Enter  SERVANT 
with  a  letter,  which  he  hands  to  JULIA.) 

Servant.     Letter  for  you,  mam — left  at  the  door. 

Julia.     Thank  you.     (Exit  SERVANT.) 

Clara.  What  news  ?  Who  is  it  from  ?  Tunnel,  I  sup 
pose. 

Julia.  But  now  I  heard  your  husband  enter  your  room. 
(Exit  CLARA.  JULIA  opens  the  letter  and  reads  aloud.} 

"  Having  heard  that  the  officers  attached  to  the  company  to 
which  your  husband  belongs  have  been  removed,  and  fearing 


15 

such  an  unexpected  event  might  deprive  you  of  your  usual 
comforts  of  life,  I  herewith  enclose  you  a  check  for  five  hun 
dred  dollars.  TOBIAS  CONFIDENCE." 

I  shall  send  it  back — no,  though  I  disown  him  I  will  not 
insult  his  goodness.  I  shall  use  the  money — no,  that  would 
be  a  deception  practiced  on  Tunnel.  (Enter  TUNNEL.) 

Julia.     Tunnel,  read — (handing  him  the  letter?) 

Tunnel.  We  want  neither  his  money  nor  his  sympathy. 
Though  money  at  all  times  is  acceptable,  yet  I'll  send  it  back 
with  a  note.  You  must  be  ready  to-morrow  for  rehearsal. 

Julia.     I  will  attend,  with  my  maid  of  honor. 

Tunnel.  Let  us  visit  Brown  and  Clara  in  their  room.  (Exit 
loth.} 

SCENE — A  Parlor.     MINER  and  OPERATOR,  seated. 

Operator.  Never  was  a  plan  more  admirably  contrived  to 
obtain  our  rightful  dues.  Those  heartless  men  at  home  must 
be  made  to  feel  through  their  pockets. 

Miner.  We  have  fixed  the  date  of  the  invitation  on  the  day 
on  which  the  lancers  will  parade.  These  can  be  pointed  out  as 
the  Duke's  body  guard.  We  are  fitting  up  the  now  abandoned 
hotel  on  an  extavagant  style,  built  by  Rich,  the  great  specula 
tor,  on  the  river  bank,  where  he  expected  to  sell  town  lots. 

Operator.  This  fellow,  Ditch,  has  made  no  acquaintances. 
Tell  Brown  I  wish  to  see  him,  to  arrange  about  our  friend's 
quartz  mill.  Away  !  He  comes  !  Contrive  to  see  me  to-night. 
(Exit  MINER.)  So  rises  the  sun,  which  is  to  melt  this  mass  of 
ignorance.  (Enter  DITCH.). 

Ditch.  Sir,  ham  pleased  to  find  your  accounts  are  correct 
to  a  penny.  There  is  your  receipt.  (Gives  a  paper.} 

Operator.  Sir,  I  am  glad  you  are  satisfied.  (Aside.} 
Thanks  to  Smith. 

Ditch.  Be  good  enough  to  hinform  me  'bout  the  state  of 
this  Hempire  '}  because  his  grace  might  hundertake  to  pump 
me. 

t  Operator.     This  Empire  is  ruled  over  by  King  Ferdinando 
cundo;  he  resides  in  his  palace  at  Monterey ;  he  is  very  pop 
ular  among  his  subjects,  having  great  dislike  to  forms  and  cer 
emonies  ;  he  is  rather  young — that  is,  green — wherefore  most 
of  the  government  is  administered  by  his  royal  uncle,  to  whom, 


16 

in  all  probability,  you  will  receive  an  introduction.  However, 
the  young  king  is  not  devoid  of  talent  or  courage,  as  this  was 
clearly  shown  in  his  last  great  war  with  Solouque,  Emperor  of 
St.  Domingo,  resulting  from  causes  which  it  would  be  too  te 
dious  to  explain.  The  four  great  powers  of  Europe,  have,  by 
a  secret  treaty,  determined  on  merging  this  vast  Empire,  in 
part  or  whole,  into  the  great  republic  of  the  United  States. 

Ditch.  The  capital  of  which  is  New  York.  I've  'card  talk 
hoff  it. 

Operator.  Exactly.  Now  all  the  nobles  of  this  Empire,  as 
soon  as  it  becomes  an  integral  portion  of  this  republic,  are  to 
be  styled  Senators,  and  the  King  is  to  be  appointed  President 
of  the  United  States,  for  a  term  of  years,  when  he  is  to  resign 
in  favor  of  his  Grace's  heir,  to  whose  presence  I  am  seeking 
admittance  for  you. 

Ditch.     Do  tell  me  !     'As  the  hinvitation  come  ? 

Operator.     Never  fear;  his  promise  is  sufficient. 

Ditch.     Yes,  but  'ow  will  we  know  when  his  Grace  harrives  ? 

Operator.  After  leaving  his  Grace  at  his  villa,  they  parade 
through  the  city — I  mean  his  body  guard.  (Enter  SERVANT 
with  a  card.  Gives  it  to  OPERATOR.) 

Servant.     An  officer  of  the  Royal  Guard. 

Operator.  Don  Alphonso  de  Cogeroj  (handing  DITCH  tlif- 
card  ;)  show  him  up  instantly.  He  is  general  of  the  army. 

Ditch.  What  har  you  staring  at,  you  confounded  fool '( 
Go  quick,  hand  bring  him  hup,  hor  I'll  kick  you  down  the 
steps.  (Exit  SERVANT.)  Hoperator,  'ow  can  you  keep  such 
hignorant  brutes  'bout  you  ?  They  would  drive  me  inad.  To 
think  hof  letting  one  of  his  Grace's  representatives  stand  hat 
the  door  for  a  moment. 

Operator.  He  comes  !  Be  dignified,  Mr.  Ditch,  yet  affa 
bly  polite.  These  gentlemen  are  very  observant.  (Entev 
SMITH,  in  uniform,  as  Don  Alphonso.^ 

Operator.  Sir,  we  feel  greatly  honored  by  this  piece  of" 
condescension.  (Offering  a  chair, ) 

Ditch.     Sir,  you  hexhalt  my  respectability. 

Don.  Be  seated,  gentlemen.  Your  requests  are  granted. 
I  am  requested  to  present  you  with  his  royal  highness'  master 
of  ceremonies'  compliments,  and  to  assure  you  of  his  highest 
considerations  of  respect. 

Operator.  May  I  be  so,  bold  as  to  inquire  when  his  Grace 
will  return  to  his  villa  ? 


IT 

Don  Alph.     The  hour  is  uncertain,  but  you  will  be  notified. 
So  good  morning,  gentlemen.     (Exit,  bowing.) 

Operator.     Return  my  humble  thanks. 

Ditch.     Hand  my  most  'umble  respects. 

Operator.     You  see,  we  must  be  off  for  the  mines  to-morrow. 

Ditch.  We're  hin  for  hit  now.  Prodigious  !  I  can  spare 
you  but  a  few  'ours  hin  hexhamiuing  the  mill  and  veins,  has  I 
would  not  niiss  this  hopportunity  of  visiting  his  'Ighness  for  all 
the  hempire  hof  Californy.  Mr.  Hoperator,  we  must,  hof 
course,  be  hattended  by  a  little  state.  Let  a  member  hof  the 
staff  be  sent  before  us  to  hann ounce  our  hexpected  harrival  hat 
the  mill. 

Operator.  (Aside.)  Royalty  is  contagious.  A  capital  idea, 
sir. 

Ditch.  Sir,  let  the  best  coach  hin  the  city  be  hengaged, 
hand  let  hour  servants  hattend  hon  'orseback. 

Operator.  Sir,  your  most  honorable  commands  shall  be 
most  strictly  obeyed. 

Ditch.  Sir,  you'll  lose  nothing  by  strict  hobedience  to  my 
horders. 

SCENE — CONFIDENCE  icalking  in  his  room.     Enter  SERVANT. 

Servant.  I  delivered  the  letter  at  the  door,  and  a  maid 
servant  said  she  was  well. 

Confidence.  'Tis  well.  Now  go.  (Exit  SERVANT.)  Dark 
ness  gathers  o'er  the  world,  material — apparent — but  the  regions 
of  thought  ever  glow  with  celestial  brightness — an  atmosphere 
so  transparent  pervading  that  we  see  the  past  as  the  present, 
and  almost  behold  the  creations  of  the  future  pictured  on  its 
horizon.  The  truly  intellectual  reverse  the  order  of  nature. 
The  night  is  their  day,  the  day  their  night.  (Enter  BREES.) 
Most  welcome,  friend  Brees  ;  how  fares  it  with  thee  ? 

Brees.  Thank  you,  well.  Bat,  Confidence,  why  so  low 
spirited?  Don't  take  from  the  past  that  which  belongs  to  it; 
forget  it — yes,  sir,  forget  it. 

Confidence.  Were  I  to  forget,  it  would  imply  an  absence  of 
memory.  Strive  to  forget  it,  the  very  effort  but  more  vividly 
portrays  its  scenes. 

Brees.  Then  live  in  hopes  of  a  better  ending  of  your  sor 
rows. 


18 

Confidence.     As  we  grow  older  we  hope  less  and  fear  more. 

Brees.  Then  mingle  more  in  the  ever-bustling,  striving 
world.  By  meditating  upon  the  miseries  of  others,  we  forget, 
or,  rather,  neglect  our  own  misfortunes. 

Confidence.  The  world  !  A  place  that  is  ever  changing — 
a  thing  that  glitters  but  to  deceive — a  mass  of  low  cunning  and 
foul  corruption.  Mingle  with  the  world!  Why,  sir,  the  more 
I  see  and  know  of  it,  the  greater  grows  my  disgust  for  my 
own  nature,  and  the  more  my  confidence  in  the  justness  of 
Heaven  abates.  Let  us,  while  we  may,  keep  it  at  a  distance, 
for,  believe  me,  it  improves  not  on  close  inspection.  A  few 
deeds  of  human  kindness  cannot  ennoble  it — the  few  flowers  of 
virtue  that  decorate  its  vast  fields  of  action  cannot  beautify  it — 
a  few  scattering  tears  from  the  eyes  of  innocence  cannot  purify 
it.  Sir,  it  stinks — believe  me,  it  is  rotten. 

Brees.  Your  present  state  of  mind  forbids  me  offering 
consolation.  (Enter  SERVANT  with  a  letter,  which  he  hands 
to  CONFIDENCE,  who  reads.) 

Confidence.  Listen,  since  you  know  all,  friend  Brees;  I 
will  not  keep  this  from  you.  (He  reads  aloud.) 

u  To  Mr.  TOBIAS  CONFIDENCE  : — 

"SiR  :  My  wife  disclaims  all  knowledge  of  you  or  your 
pretensions,  and  will  thank  you,  in  future,  not  to  trespass  upon 
her  atttention.  She  has  drawn  the  money  for  the  check,  and 
bestowed  it  upon  a  charitable  institution.  For  the  last  time, 
I  warn  you  to  desist  from  your  insolent  intrusions.  .  '\ 

C.  RICHARD  TUNNEL." 

Brees.     May  you  not,  after  all,  be  mistaken  in  the  woman  ? 

Confidence.  Am  I  a  fool  ?  Do  you  really  suppose  that  a 
man  does  not  know  his  own  wife  when  he  sees  her  ?  She  was 
mine  and  is  his,  and,  in  the  end,  may  be  any  man's  who  weds 
her. 

Brees.     But  is  this  woman  really  married  to  this  man  ? 

Confidence.  Now,  by  Heaven,  I  never  thought  of  that. 
Yet,  hold — the  bare  idea  makes  me  shudder  with  a  hellish  fear. 
Married,  even  though  I  live,  she  may  be  pure  and  unsullied  in 
person  or  sentiment.  Unmarried — a  mistress — false  to  one, 
she's  false  to  all.  No  more  of  this,  I  pray  you.  Do  not  breathe 
a  whisper  of  inquiry  on  the  point.  Move  not  the  bush  lest  the 
snake  appear. 


19 

Brees.     You  are  awfully  agitated ;  be  more  composed. 

Confidence.  Sir,  you  dose  the  sick  man  with  poison,  and 
then  stab  by  insinuation — ha,  ha! — not  married  I  (He  fall*, 
exhausted,  into  the  arms  of  BREES.) 


ACT  III, 

SCENE — Quartz  Ledge,  Leing  worked.     Mountains  and  quartz 
mill.      Two  friends  of  BROWN,  digging . 

1st  Miner.  There,  they've  come.  Only  look  at  the  old 
cock  as  he  descends  from  the  carriage.  He  looks  completely 
used  up.  I  hope  they'll  manage  the  thing  rightly. 

2d  Miner.  Hush !  they  will  hear  you.  Remain  silently  at 
work,  and  let  me  act  my  part.  (Enter  DITCH,  OPERATOR, 
TUNNEL,  and  MINER.) 

Operator.     This  is  the  company's  honorable  Director,  men. 

1st  and  2d  Miners.     We  are  glad  to  see  you,  sir — (bowing.) 

Ditch.  What  han  'orrid  ride  we've  'ad  hof  it.  I'll  de 
clare  I  shall  complain  to  his  Royal  Highness  about  their 
roughness.  I  shall  feel  sore  for  a  whole  week.  Is  this  big 
hill  the  lode  of  quartz,  hand  that  white  hand  red  sand-stone 
there  the  quartz? 

Operator.  Sir,  this  strata  of  red  and  white  rock,  running, 
as  you  see,  in  a  northerly  direction,  is  the  vein,  or  lode  of 
quartz,  belonging  to  the  company. 

Ditch.     Where  hare  the  blocks  hof  gold  ? 

Operator.  Sir,  most  of  the  gold  is  disseminated  through 
the  rock,  not  visible  to  the  naked  eye. 

Miner.     Nor  to  the  microscopic,  either.     (Aside.) 

Operator.  Though,  as  we  descend  upon  the  ledge,  the  gold 
becomes  larger.  We  expect  to  reach  the  metallic  embodiments 
in  two  months. 

Ditch.  Where  do  you  get  them  'andsome  specimens  you 
sent  us  at  'orne  ? 

Operator.  The  men  daily  find  them  in  digging.  Perhaps 
they  have  found  some  to-day. 

Id  Miner.  Yes,  sir,  of  course — though  I  put  most  of  them 
into  the  cart  on  its  last  trip  to  the  mill.  You  will  find  some  on 
that  pile  of  dirt.  (OPERATOR  and  MINER  pick  the  specimen* 
and  hand  them  to  DITCH.) 


20 


2d  Miner.  I  can  pick  out  better  ones,  if  you'll  permit  me 
to  look  among  that  pile  of  ore. 

Ditch.  No,  sir,  stick  to  your  work.  Waste  no  time,  my 
men.  Very  pretty  specimens  bin  deed.  Hin  future  save  hall 
you  dig  out.  I  want  an  'ogshead  hor  two  hof  such  specimens 
to  send  as  presents  to  the  stockholders. 

2d  Miner.     Yes,  sir,  we  shall  obey  your  honor. 

Ditch.  Don't  you  think  they  steal  a  good  many  hof  these 
specimens?  (A&ide  to  OPERATOR.) 

Operator.  Don't  trouble  yourself  on  this  point.  The  Em 
pire  is  so  filled  with  pure  gold  that  no  one  will  be  annoyed  with 
carrying  them  about. 

Ditch.     My  men,  what  wages  do  you  get  ? 

2d  Miner.     Five  dollars  per  day. 

Ditch.  Prodigious!  Five  dollars  a  day?  Why,  that 
would  be  wages  for  a  week's  work  at  'ome. 

2d  Miner.  It  is  the  standing  wages  in  quartz  diggings. 
Besides,  his  Royal  Highness  the  Duke  sometimes  gives  as 
high  as  six. 

Ditch.  Ha — well,  I  see — that's  hanother  question.  I  see 
two  mills  on  the  hill;  hare  they  both  quartz  mills? 

2d  Miner.  Yes,  sir ;  the  first  is  the  company's  mill — the 
other  belongs  to  his  Highness  the  Duke,  though  people  say 
they  ought  both  to  belong  to  the  Fountain  Company. 

Ditch.     Why  so,  my  men  ? 

2d  Miner.  Because  the  mines  are  connected,  and  it  would 
be  a  great  addition  to  the  company's  property ;  for  it  could 
make  more  than  double  the  money  it  does  now,  because  that 
part  of  the  mine  is  the  richest. 

Ditch.     His  mill  is  not  running  now,  I  hunderstand. 

2d  Miner.  No,  sir ;  that  mill  defrays  all  his  Grace's  trav 
eling  expenses,  and  his  Director  only  lets  it  run  when  money 
is  wanted  for  that  purpose. 

Ditch.  Thank  you,  my  man,  and  here's  a  shilling  to  drink 
my  'elth,  for  both  hof  you.  The  company  is  halways  generous 
to  those  who  serve  'er  well. 

1st  Miner.  One  more  shilling,  please  your  honor;  they 
charge  one  shilling  a  glass. 

Ditch.  The  monsters  !  I'll  not  do  hit.  Hit  would  buy  six 
drinks  at  'ome.  Place  them  specimens  carefully  hin  your 
'andkerchief,  Tunnel,  and  bring  them  along  •  don't  let  them 
strike  your  knees,  they  might  get  broken. 


21 

Tunnel.     I  shall  obey.      (Placing  the  stones  in  his  kerchieft) 
Ditch.     Now,  Mr.  Hoperator,  give  me  your  harm,  hand  let's 
look  at  the  mill,  hand  then  hat  his  Royal  Highness'  property. 

SCENE — A  Street.     Major  KILFARDY,  and  Low  and  HIGH.) 

Major.  A  beautiful  republic  this,  that  a  man  can't  walk 
the  streets  of  independence  without  having  an  old  piece  of 
paper,  with  black  marks  on  to  it,  shoved  under  one's  nose. 

Low.     I  merely  presented  my  bill,  and  desired  payment. 

Major.  Yes,  sir,  shoved  under  my  nose  without  reason  or 
justification.  Sir,  it's  offensive.  You've  carried  that  paper  in 
your  pocket  so  long  that  it  smells — yes,  sir,  smells  musty. 

High.  The  bill  has  been  standing  a  long  time  without  being 
settled. 

Major.  And  do  you  think,  sir,  it  will  ever  settle  by  car 
rying  it  about  with  you  ?  Take  it  home,  put  it  into  your  desk, 
don't  shake  it,  and,  by  the  least  hair  of  my  head,  it  will  settle 
itself. 

High.  You  old  heated  mass  of  filth  !  You  old  bloated  frog- 
stool  I  I  will  have  our  money. 

Major.  Don't  threaten,  sir;  I'll  take  the  law  of  ye.  Now, 
do  you  see,  there  are  two  classes  of  debts  :  First,  the  debt  of 
nature,  which  we  can't  help  paying  ;  and  the  debt  of  gratitude 
we  owe  our  parents,  which  we  never  can  fully  pay. 

Low.     But  the  other  kind  of  debts,  Major,  if  you  please. 

Major.  Ah,  yes;  do  ye  see,  the  other  kind  of  debt,  the 
debt  old  mother  earth  owes  to  us — yes,  sir,  she  owes  every 
man  a  living;  but,  by  my  faith,  she's  a  slow  paymaster  some 
times — and  I'm  after  dunning  her  now.  Good  morning,  gen 
tlemen,  and  when  you  want  a  friend  call  on  Major  Kilfardy. 
(Exit  MAJOR.) 

Low.  Let  him  go ;  I  don't  want  a  fuss  in  the  street,  for 
he  can  swear  like  a  trooper.  He's  engaged  in  a  great  swindle. 
I  went  to  his  house  to  demand  his  bill,  and  overheard  the 
whole  plot.  Depend  upon  it,  I'll  take  him  unawares,  and  if 
he  don't  pay  I'll  blow  out  the  whole  bunch  of  them,  and  their 
rascally  plot.  Leave  the  matter  to  me — Low  and  High  are 
bound  to  get  their  money.  Ha,  ha  I — if  I  don't  catch  my  gen 
tleman  in  a  tight  place. 


22 

SCENE — OPERATOR'S  Parlor.     Mr.  DITCH,  in  his  shirtsleeves, 
admiring  a  coat. 

Ditch.  What  ban  ad-mirable  taste  that  Hoperator  'as. 
What  han  'appy  hinvention.  I  see  thro'  hit,  though.  Silver 
buttons  !  Where  gold  is  so  plenty  silver  must  be  a  rarity — 
contrast,  heh  !  I  see  thro'  it.  This  coat  is  bound  to  'tract  his 
Grace's  notice.  Ha,  ha  ! — I  shall  become  notified — popular — 
dignorated  !  (Flourish  of  trumpets  from  without.  Enter  OP 
ERATOR,  with  newspaper  in  his  hand.) 

Operator.  Quick  !  to  the  window,  Mr.  Ditch,  if  you  would 
see  his  Grace's  body  guard,  who  are  now  passing  up  the  street. 
(Aside.)  Lancers  on  parade.  'Twas  not  a  bad  idea.  (DiTCH 
raises  the  window  and  looks  out.) 

Ditch.     That's  what  I  call  nobility. 

Operator.  Give  me  your  attention.  I  have  procured  the 
evening  newspaper. 

Ditch.  Won  moment,  Hoperator.  (Head  still  out  the  win 
dow.)  There,  they've  turned  the  corner — gone  to  the  station- 
house,  I  suppose.  (  Withdraws  his  head.) 

Operator.  Allow  me  to  read  a  paragraph — it  concerns  us 
both.  How  editors  find  out  these  things  is  a  mystery  to  me. 

Ditch.     Head  on,  sir.      My  boots  !  how  fat  their  'orses. 

Operator.-  (Reading  aloud.)  u  His  Grace  of  Sacramento 
has  returned  to  his  villa,  and  we  are  glad  to  see  his  Highness 
apparently  enjoying  such  excellent  health.  We  understand 
that  he  intends  honoring  two  distinguished  foreign  gentlemen 
with  a  social  audience  this  evening.  We  have  further  h-eard 
that  the  Marquis  of  Yuba  is  hourly  expected,  to  advise  with 
his  Royal  Highness  upon  matters  of  state.'' 

Ditch.  Sir,  I  ham  bewildered  with  delight !  Sir,  I  ham 
enchanted  I  Give  me  your  'and — you  shall  be  rewarded.  Let 
me  read  it,  sir.  (Takes  the  paper  and  reads  it  aloud.)  Buy 
a  dozen  copies  of  this  paper;  I  wish  to  send  'em  'ome. 

Operator.     I  will  do  your  pleasure. 

Ditch.  Won't  they  stare  hiii  Europe  ?  Won't  they  bow, 
and  point  their  Jew-led  fingers  hat  me,  hand  whisper — "  There 
goes  the  hintimate  friend  of  his  Royal  'Ighness  Duke  of  Sac-* 
ramento"  ? — he,  he  !  I  say,  tho',  Hop,  we  musent  forget  the 
company's  hinterest.  I  say,  Hop,  we'll  have  that  mine  and 
quartz  mill.  He,  he  !  We'll  press  him  this  hevening — mark 


23 

if  I  don't.     I'm  a  business  man,  hand,  hat  hall  'azards,  the 
company  must  'ave  that  hexcellent  property. 

Operator.     Sir,  I  am  decidedly  of  your  opinion. 

Ditch.     What  do  you  think  he'll  hask  for  it  ? 

Operator.  It  is  impossible  to  say.  But  this  much  I  will 
say — that  if  the  company  can  purchase  the  mill  and  vein  for 
seventy-five  thousand  dollars  they  will  get  a  bargain. 

Ditch.     But  that's  a  large  sum — my  boots,  hit  his  ! 

Operator.  You  may,  during  the  audience,  casually  state 
that  the  Directors  at  home  had  expressed  a  desire  to  unite  the 
properties,  and,  if  he  is  willing  to  oblige  you,  he  will  order  his 
private  secretary  to  retire  with  you  to  his  office,  and  arrange 
the  matter  with  you  at  once.  Give  him  a  check  for  the  money, 
get  the  secretary's  receipt,  and  you  have  made  the  best  bargain 
that  ever  was  made  for  a  company. 

Ditch.  But  why  in  such  han  'urry  ?  By  my  boots,  but  its 
a 'large  sum. 

Operator.  Because  he  may  never  be  in  such  a  humor 
again  j  and,  as  he  wishes  to  encourage  extensive  mining  opera 
tions  in  his  brother's  dominions,  he  might  grant  you  now  what 
he  would  refuse  in  future ;  besides,  by  checking  for  the  money 
at  once,  will  estimate  your  worth  in  the  eyes  of  the  nobility. 
Be  careful  to  make  your  check  payable  to  bearer,  as  Dukes  are 
never  known  in  business  transactions  of  sale. 

Ditch.  By  my  boots,  it's  a  large  sum.  Yet  I  suppose  we 
must  have  the  property. 

Operator.  Be  careful  to  put  your  private  mark  on  your 
check,  for  I  would  not  have  it  protested  for  all  the  diamonds 
in  Brazil.  The  hour  approaches — let's  dress  and  be  off.  The 
carriage  and  our  attendants  will  soon  be  in  waiting. 

Ditch.     Sir,  I  feel  sick  hat  the  stomach. 

Operator.  It's  only  excitement,  as  the  time  draws  near. 
I  was  so  myself  when  I  was  first  presented. 

SCENE — Reception  Room.  MAJOR,  as  Duke,  seated  in  a  large 
crimson  chair;  JULIA,  as  Duchess;  CLARA,  as  Maid 
of  Honor  ;  SMITH,  as  Don  Alphonso,  general  of 
the  army  ;  JONES,  as  Private  Secretary  ;  CLARK,  as 
Master  of  Ceremonies.  Other  attendants  at  Court. 

Duke.     Zounds  !  empty  purse  and  hungry  guts. 

Private  Sec.     Will  your  Royal  Highness  have  a  suck  of  gas  ? 


24 

Duke.  I  have  no  desire  to  rant,  unless  to  kill  these  thou 
sand  fleas  that  irritate  my  skin. 

Duchess.     I  hope  your  Grace  is  not  indisposed. 

Duke.  No,  Duchess,  only  delicately  annoyed.  Head  for 
the  doctor. 

Master  of  Cer.     The  Duke  complains. 

All.     The  Duke  is  ill.     (They  groan.} 

Duchess.  What  ails  your  Royal  Highness  ?  For  what  do 
you  require  the  doctor?  Oh,  speak  quickly  your  Grace. 

Duke.  Tell  him  to  bring  a  phial  of  effervescent  acid,  to 
kill  all  the  voracious  fleas  that  stick  to  my  hide. 

Master  of  Cer.     Oh,  haste,  Don  Alphonso  !  haste  ! 

Don  Alph.     I  go,  my  Lord. 

Duke.     Yet  stay — brandy  and  water  will  soothe  them. 

Master  of  Cer.  With  pleasure,  your  Grace.  (Hands  bran 
dy  and  water.} 

Duke.     Death  to  all  irritating  vermin.     (Drinking.} 

All.     Death  to  all  irritating  vermin. 

Don  Alph.     Will  your  Grace  indulge  us  with  a  song  ? 

Duke.  Your  audacity  shocks  my  veracity.  Beware,  Don 
Alphonso  !  Minion,  tremble  ! 

Don  Alph.  I  humbly  crave  your  G-race's  pardon.  (Kneel- 
ing.} 

Duke.  Arise!  'tis  granted — live!  Do  ye  see,  Dukes  can 
be  merciful. 

Private  Sec.  Major,  don't  forget  your  part;  none  of  your 
"do  you  sees"  here — be  cautious. 

Duke.     I  am  always  open  to  conviction. 

Master  of  Cer.  And,  for  the  blunder,  we'll  fine  you  with  a 
song.  You  must  sing — I  am  serious. 

All.     His  G-race  must  sing. 

Duke.     I  scorn  to  refuse.     (He  sings.} 

A  Duke  is  a  wonderful  thing — 

He  lives  on  the  fat  of  the  land — 
He's  second  to  none  but  the  King  ; 

About  him  there's  something  that's  grand. 
He's  fond  of  the  lassies,  I  swear, 

And  the  lassies  are  fond  of  his  state  ; 
He's  likely  to  grant  them  an  heir, 

And  leave  them  to  fortune  and  fate. 
He  sits  on  a  cushion  of  red, 

And  feasts  on  a  chowder  of  hash, 


25 

And  often  he  vexes  his  head 

About  getting  rid  of  his  cash. 
He  pays  all  his  debts  with  a  bow, 

And  dances  attendance  at  court, 
And,  if  he  should  get  in  a  row, 

He  flies  to  his  castle  or  fort. 
When  curs'd  with  an  ache  in  the  head, 

They  notify  all  the  great  Dukes, 
Who  gather  around  his  sick  bed, 

And  send  to  Missouri  for  pukes. 

Master  of  Cer.     Your  Grace  is  in  excellent  tune  to-night. 

Duke.     No,  sir,  there  is  a  string  loose. 

Duchess.     Where,  your  Highness  ? 

Duke.  My  purse  string — it  must  be  tightened,  or  I  shall  be 
seized  with  flatulency.  (Loud  talking  without.)  What  noise 
is  that  which  greets  our  royal  ear  with  harshness?  'Tis  a 
grating  sound.  Don  Alphonso,  at  the  sword's  point,  hasten  to 
quell  the  fierce  disturbance  !  (Exit  DON  ALPHONSO.)  Doth 
desperate  treason  invade  our  royal  presence  ?  Dare  the  igno 
rant  masses  to  rebel  ?  If  so,  we  must  away  to  Sutter's  Fort ; 
and  there,  secure,  we'll  bid  defiance  to  all  alarms  until  my  Lord 
of  Buttes  shall  march  to  our  relief  with  forty  thousand  squaws. 
(Noise  without.)  My  sword  !  Sound  the  alarm  bell !  King 
loud  the  cry  of  battle  !  To  arms ! — they  come  !  (Enter  Low, 
followed  by  DON  ALPHONSO.) 

Don.  By  force  he  would  intrude  upon  your  Highness.  He  is, 
by  some  mishap,  acquainted  with  our  condition. 

Duke.  Is  that  all  ?  I  thought  we  were  beset  by  forty 
hundred  tigers.  What  wretch  is  this  ?  Comes  he  here  to  seek 
redress  for  wrongs  sustained  in  civil  broils  ?  If  so,  our  royal 
presence  is  never  denied  to  the  aggrieved  subject. 

Low.  Major  Kilfardy,  if  you  don't  pay  this  bill  I'll  explode 
the  whole  of  this  infernal  plot.  (Holds  up  a  bill  to  the  DUKE, 
who  reads.) 

Duke.  Ham,  butter,  eggs,  mackerel ; — what  the  duce  does 
the  fellow  mean  ?  •  Sir,  you  smell  fishy ! 

Low.     You  old  bloated  toad — 

Don  Alph.     He  insults  his  Grace. 

All.  Away  with  him !  ( They  seize  him.  He  struggles, 
and  is  carried  off,  calling  for  help.) 

Duke.     Let  him  be  closely  confined  in   the  old  ice-house 
until  day-break.     I  wonder  if  heaven  is  free  from  duns  ? 
3 


26 

Duchess.     His  Grace  is  silent  with  rage. 

Clara.  These  yankees  pay  no  more  respect  to  Dukeg  than 
as  if  they  were  men  like  themselves. 

Julia.  They  believe  all  men  equal  by  birth.  Poor  igno 
rant  creatures  !  The  idea  of  his  Grace  eating  ham,  eggs,  or 
mackerel — how  vulgar  ! 

Clara.  Do  you  know  it,  your  Highness — they  say  it  is  a 
fact — that  they  eat  cabbage  and  rattle-snakes,  and  drink  to 
bacco  tea  at  supper  ? 

Duchess.  Abominable !  Shocking,  pon  honor !  ( Confu 
sion  without.  Enter  DON  ALPHONSO  and  PRIVATE  SECRE 
TARY.) 

Don.  Alph.  To  your  places !  They  come  !  (A  voice 
without.)  The  Right  Honorable  Amos  Ditch's  carriage  stops 
the  way. 

Duke.  Ahem,  our  guests  are  early.  (Enter  DITCH,  OPE 
RATOR,  TUNNEL,  and  MASTER  or  CEREMONIES.) 

Master  of  Ceremonies.  The  Eight  Honorable  Amos  Ditch. 
(DiTCH  bows,  and  falls  on  one  Jcnee.) 

Duke.  Arise,  worthy  sir,  and  salute  her  Grace  the  Duch 
ess.  Permit  this  worthy  friend,  Duchess,  to  salute  your  hand. 
(She  gives  her  hand,  to  which  he  kneels  and  kisses.) 

Duchess.     Sir,  you  are  most  welcome. 

Ditch.  I  am  bewildered  with  surprise  at  your  condecension. 
I  feel  charmingly  inspired. 

Duchess.  Arise,  sir.  This  is  our  lovely  maid  of  honor, 
Lady  Blanco.  (He  gets  up  and  takes  the  hand  which  CLARA 
offers.] 

Clara.     You  are,  indeed,  most  welcome. 

Duke.  Duchess  you  have  fulfilled  your  promise  in  honoring 
us  with  your  presence  until  these  worthy  gentlemen  arrived. 
Come,  salute  me  with  the  honest  kiss  of  a  royal  wife,  and  then 
thou  art  at  liberty  to  retire.  ( JULIA  kisses  him.)  And  now 
away  to  the  land  of  dreams. 

Clara.     (Aside.)     What  impudence  !     He  presumes  ! 

Duke.     These  worthy  gentlemen  will  pardon  your  departure. 

Ditch.  Most  willingly,  if  such  is  your  Grace's  humor.  (Exit 
ladies,  bowing.  Aside  to  OPERATOR.)  By  my  boots,  how  fat 

he  is! 

Operator.     They  live  high,  and  take  little  exercise.  (Aside.) 
Ditch.     Right;  I  see,  'tis  a  sign  of  nobility.     (Aside.} 


27 

Duke.  Worthy  Mr.  Operator,  what  a  likeness  your  friend 
bears  to  the  Count  of  San  Francisco. 

Don.     'Tis  astonishing. 

Ditch.  Your  Royal  'Ighness,  I  fear,  pays  the  Count  no 
compliment. 

Duke.  There's  where  you  err,  Europeans  are  all  fine  look 
ing  men.  I  have  three  in  my  life  guards ;  they  are  the  admi 
ration  of  the  whole  court. 

Operator.     Why  don't  you  reply  ?     (Aside  to  DITCH.) 

Ditch.     I'm  hafraid  my  mouth  won't  hopen.      (Aside.] 

Operator.  I'm  glad  my  countrymen  find  such  favor  in  your 
royal  sight. 

Ditch.  Thanks  to  their  roast  beef.  It  makes  them  strong. 
It  gives  'em  tough  muscles  and  big  bones,  your  Highness. 

Duke.  True ;  I  had  forgotten.  Don  Alphonso,  let  the 
guards  in  future  live  on  roast  beef. 

Don  Alph.     Your  Grace's  wishes  are  my  commands. 

Ditch.  I've  seed  the  yankees  in  New- York.  They're  tall, 
slim  and  gawky.  They  say  that  they  live  on  tobacco  worms. 

Duke.  Aye,  I  see.  Thank  you  for  the  information.  How 
observant  you  foreigners  are.  I  declare  that  it  is  most  extra 
ordinary.  Don  Alphonso,  in  future  let  the  small  of  stature  in 
the  fifth  infantry  be  fed  on  tobacco  worms. 

Don  Alph.     I  shall  obey  your  Highness. 

Operator.  (Aside  to  DITCH.)  You've  got  him  in  humor; 
at  him  about  the  property. 

Ditch.     Ahem,  your  Grace. 

Duke.     What  is  your  pleasure,  my  worthy  sir? 

Ditch.  Ahem,  your  Grace — your  'Ighness  'as  a  quartz  mill 
hand  ledge. 

Duke.     Speak,  sir  ;  let  us  know  your  request. 

Ditch.  They  join  hour  property.  Some  think  that  hit  'ad 
better  be  together,  hand  that  your  Grace  would  permit  us  to 
make  you  han  hoffer  to  purchase,  thro'  your  secretary.  I  'ope 
you  will  not  think  me  possessing  too  much  hinsurance. 

Duke.  I  shall  be  most  happy  to  oblige  you ;  and,  to  show 
how  willing  I  am  to  oblige,  you  shall  retire  with  my  secretary 
to  his  private  office  and  complete  the  arrangement  at  once. 

Private  Sec.  Has  your  Royal  Highness  considered  that 
this  is  one  of  the  richest  mines  in  your  Royal  Nephew's  Em 
pire  ? 


28 


Duke.  If  you  wish  not  to  incur  my  royal  displeasure,  pro 
ceed  with  this  gentleman  instantly  to  your  office,  and  settle 
this  trifling  business  at  once,  and  for  all ;  nor  be  exorbitant 
in  your  demands. 

Private  Sec.     I  obey,  craving  your  Grace's  pardon. 

Duke.  'Tis  granted.  A  word  with  you,  for  your  private 
ear.  (He  talks  aside  with  SECRETARY.) 

Operator.  Kemember,  we  must  be  expeditious.  Forget 
not  what  I  told  you.  (Aside  to  DITCH.) 

Ditch.  Never  fear ;  Til  silence  this  secretary,  with  a  bribe, 
see  hif  hi  don't.  ( Aside.') 

Tunnel.     We  must  have  the  property.     (Aside  to  DITCH.) 

Ditch.  Hinsolent !  Dare  to  haddress  me  hin  the  presence 
of  his  Highness  !  ( Aside  to  TUNNEL.) 

Private  Sec.     Are  you  ready,  sir?     (To  DITCH.) 

Ditch.     Quite  ready,  your  lordship. 

Don  Alph.  Shall  I  order  a  guard  of  honor  for  you  lord 
ship  ? 

Private  Sec.  'Tis  but  a  step  to  my  office  ;  no,  thank  you, 
Don  Alphonso.  (Exit  MASTER  or  CEREMONIES.) 

Operator.  Only  give  him  a  check  and  take  a  receipt;  'twill 
take  but  a  few  moments.  (Aside  to  DITCH,  as  he  follows  the 
SECRETARY  out.} 

Duke.     G-ive  me  some  brandy  and  water,  to  chill  my  sweat. 

Don  Alph^     It  will  increase  your  Highness'  perspiration. 

Duke.  No,  my  lord,  it  will  increase  evaporation.  It  is 
drying  in  its  effects.  I've  given  many  a  man  a  glass  to  dry-up. 

Operator.  Speed  must  be  used,  That  fellow  Low  will  let 
the  cat  out  of  the  bag  in  the  morning.  (Enter  BROWN.) 

Brown.  Fear  not,  he  is  in  the  keeping  of  my  two  friends. 
Do  not  be  in  too  great  a  haste  to  conclude  the  scene.  Thus 
far  all  goes  on  well;  only  terminate  as  you  have  commenced. 
(Exit  BROWN.) 

Tunnel.  Brown  has  chartered  the  steamer  Phenix  ;  at  eight 
o'clock  to-morrow  morning  we  shall  all  be  in  San  Francisco 
with  the  check. 

Duke.     'Tis  well.     Any  objection  to  a  segar,  my  lords? 

Djon.  Take  care  that  we  do  not  fine  your  Grace  for  a  blun 
der. 

Duke,  Do  you  see,  I  shall  melt;  open  the  window  and  give 
me  a^r,  (Enter  MASTER  or  CEREMONIES.) 


29 

Master  of  Cer.  Hush !  To  your  places — they  come ! 
Your  Royal  Highness  is  not  disposed  to  subscribe  to  the  stock 
of  the  Pacific  Railroad  ? 

.Duke.  I  will  consult  with  my  Royal  Nephew  upon  the  ad 
venture.  (Enter  PRIVATE  SECRETARY,  with  DITCH.) 

Private  Sec.  In  obedience  to  your  Grace's  commands,  I 
have  disposed  of  your  Grace's  mining  property. 

Duke.  Enough  of  this.  ;Tis  done  ;  there  is  the  end  of  it. 
Are  you  satisfied,  Mr.  Ditch  ? 

Ditch.  I  ham  fully  satisfied  and  pleased.  Hin  the  compa 
ny's  name,  I  hofferyou  their  heartfelt  gratitude. 

(A  voice  from  without  )  The  Right  Honorable  Marquis  of 
Yuba's  carriage  stops  the  way.  (Enter  BROWN,  as  Marquis, 
in  haste. ) 

Duke.  By  my  Royal  Nephew's  crown,  Marquis,  thou  art 
most  welcome. 

Marquis.     Many  thanks,  your  Grace.     (They  shake  hands.) 

Duke.  You  seem  fatigued,  Marquis.  These  worthy  friends 
are  my  guests. 

Marquis.     I  am  at  your  service,  gentlemen.     (Bowing.*) 

Operator.  We  acknowledge  the  obligation  of  your  saluta 
tion. 

Ditch.  Your  lordship  may  feel  hassured  of  hour  grateful  re 
membrance.  (Bowing.) 

Marquis.     Many  thanks,  kind  friends. 

Duke.  Marquis,  the  haste  with  which  you  have  traveled 
indicates  that  you  are  the  bearer  of  evil  tidings. 

Marquis.  Yes,  your  Grace,  that  rash  and  daring  boy,  my 
Lord  of  Buttes,  ordered  all  the  fishing  nets  of  the  Indians  on 
the  river  to  be  destroyed.  The  chiefs  resisted,  and,  unfortu 
nately,  two  of  this  young  lord's  servants  were  wounded  in  the 
affray.  This  young  lord,  unlike  his  noble  father,  is  danger 
ously  cunning,  and  most  cruelly  treacherous.  Smothering  his 
wrath  under  the  pillow  of  peace,  he  assembled  many  of  the 
chiefs  to  a  great  pow-wow  at  his  castle,  and  brutally  poisoned 
the  whole  number  invited. 

Duke.     Oh,  most  inhuman  monster  ! 
All.     Oh,  most  inhuman  monster  ! 

Marquis.  The  tribes,  far  and  near,  have  mustered  their 
forces,  and  all  their  warriors  swear  vengeance,  and  have  laid 
seige  to  his  castle  of  Buttes. 


Duke.  This  is  the  foulest  of  murders ;  yet  the  castle  must 
be  saved  as  a  point  de  guerre.  Let  the  Count  of  San  Francisco 
march  to  its  relief  with  all  the  forces  stationed  at  Benicia.  Let 
my  Lord  of  Buttes  be  brought  before  us  when  rescued.  Let 
him  be  tried  by  the  privy  council,  over  which  I  appoint  you 
to  preside,  just  Marquis.  Don  Alphonso,  you  will  give  your 
orders  accordingly,  and  with  dispatch.  Away  to  the  scene  of 
action  !  (Exit  DON  ALPHONSO,  bowing.}  My  Lord  der  Mai- 
son,  the  audience  is  dissolved.  (The  DUKE  takes  of  his 
crown,  and  bows  to  the  company.*) 

Master  of  Cer.  Gentlemen,  permit  me  to  attend  you  to  the 
coach.  (To  DITCH,  and  OPERATOR  and  TUNNEL,  who  follow 
him  out,  after  bowing  to  the  DUKE.) 

Duke.     The  wicked  boy,  to  slay  in  cold  blood  such  gallant 


(A  voice  from  without.)  The  Right  Honorable  Amos  Ditch' » 
carriage  stops  the  way. 

Marquis.     'Twas  basely  done. 

Duke.  Basely  and  murderously  performed  ! — and,  I  swear 
it  by  my  cousin's  crown  of  Brazil,  that  he  shall  suffer  for  his 
devilish  cruelty.  (Enter  MASTER  OF  CEREMONIES.) 

Marquis.     For  what  sum  is  the  check  ? 

Private  Sec.  For  seventy-five  thousand  dollars.  Here  it 
is.  (Holds  up  the  check.  They  assemble  round  and  look  at 

a.) 

Duke.  By  my  crown,  but  it  was  fairly  won.  Gods,  how  I 
sweat !  It  must  be  past  midnight. 

Master  of  Cer.  The  proceeds  to  be  equally  divided  among 
all  the  actors.  (Enter  DON  ALPHONSO.) 

Brown.  Of  course.  Whoever  thinks  the  contrary  is  a  vil 
lain.  (Enter  CLARA  and  JULIA.) 

Don  Alph.  Let  us  hasten  on  board  the  Phenix.  Out  with 
the  lights  !  Our  pass-word  is  Phenix.  (They  knock  out  the 
lights^  Great  confusion  and  scrambling.) 


ACT  IV. 

SCENE — An  old  ice-house,  with  a  door.     A  voice  from  within. 
Knocking  heard. 

Low.  Open  the  door,  you  bloody  pack  of  thieves.  (Law 
bursts  open  the  door  and  rushes  out.} 

Low.     Villains  !     Where  have  you  gone  ? 

Echo.     On. 

Low.     Scoundrel !     You've  just  put  the  lights  out. 

Echo.     Out. 

Low.     Who's  that  speaks  so  nigh? 

Echo.     I. 

Low.     Who  answers  nie  so  ? 

Echo.     Low. 

Low.  Poh  !  it's  my  own  voice.  They've  fled;  but  if  I 
don't  explode  it,  may  the  devil  seize  me.  They've  done  a  great 
swindle,  and  I  know  it ;  yes>  and  I've  been  paid  my  bill  with 
a  vengeance.  But  only  wait  till  I  get  to  town — if  we  don't  see 
fun  when  a  constable  examines  this  place ;  yet  it's  a  bad  go 
for  me  anyhow,  but  it  shall  be  worse  for  them,  darnation  take  it. 

SCENE — CONFIDENCE  walking  in  his  room. 

Confidence.  Great  Providence,  in  its  unerring  wisdom,  has 
thus  afflicted  me,  and  I  ought  not  to  complain.  But  when  the 
heart's  cords  of  affectio,n  are  rent  in  twain,  and  the  breast 
swells  with  an  aching  void,  the  mind,  through  sympathy,  re 
sponds  but  to  increase  the  restless  longings  of  a  grieving  soul. 
Denied — insulted — by  the  wife  of  my  choice,  and  most  anxious 
solicitude.  To  curse  her  would  not  allay  the  pangs  of  memory. 
To  pardon — why  it  would  shock  the  dignity  of  manly  worth. 
But  she  has  not  asked  for  mercy.  Her  life  goes  on  down  the 
stream  of  time,  heedless,  reckless,  fearless  of  the  rock  on  which 
it  must  eventually  be  lost — lost  to  me — lost  to  her  friends,  and 
lost  to  immortal  bliss.  (He  sighs.} 

SCENE — OPERATOR'S  Parlor,  with  a  bedstead.     DITCH  enters 
in  haste \ 

Ditch.  'Tis  strange,  I  swear  it  by  my  boots  !  I've  searched 
through  the  whole  city,  hand  cannot  find  Hoperator  nor  none 
hof  my  staff;  and,  what's  stranger  still,  when  I  hasked  and 


32 

hinquired  habout  his  Grace,  they  laughed  right  in  my  face, 
hand  said  the  honly  Duke  hin  Californy  that  they  knew  hof 
was  a  picture  of  his  Grace  of  Whellington,  pointing  at  the 
same  time  to  a  bookstore  window.  (Enter  Low.) 

Low.     Is  your  name  Ditch  ? 

Ditch.     Yes  sir;  h'Amos  Ditch,  hesquire. 

Low.     Did  you  buy  a  quartz  ledge  last  night  ? 

Ditch.  Yes,  sir;  his  Royal  'Ighness  favored  me  above  hall 
men. 

Low.  Permit  me  to  say,  that  you  have  been  most  gloriously 
humbugged — sucked  in — swallowed  down. 

Ditch.  Sir,  beware  how  you  give  hutterance  to  such  trea 
sonable  hexpressions.  They  might  reach  his  Grace's  ears. 

Low.  Sir,  I  pity  you.  You  have  been  the  victim  of  a 
most  dastardly  plot,  sir.  This  State  of  California  is  one  of  the 
States  that  compose  the  United  States.  It  has  a  governor 
elected  by  the  people  of  this  State;  but  the  governor  of  all  the 
States  resides  at  Washington,  and  is  called  the  President  of  the 
United  States. 

Ditch.     Sir  !  sir !     I  feel— 

Low.  It  was  all  a  plot  to  get  your  money.  I  hope  the  ras 
cals  have  not  succeeded. 

Ditch.     Sir,  you  frighten  me,  hindeed  you  do. 

Low.  While  the  farce  was  going  on  at  that  deserted  hotel 
on  the  river  bank,  and  which  they  had  fitted  up  for  the  occa 
sion,  I  went  there  to  put  you  on  your  guard,  but  you  had  not 
arrived.  Sir,  they  seized  me  by  force,  and  put  me  into  an  old 
ice-house,  where  I  was  confined  until  this  morning.  I  have 
been  in  search  of  the  villains,  and  learn  that  they  all  started 
last  night  on  the  steamer  Phenix,  which  they  had  chartered, 
bound  for  San  Francisco.  Sir,  I  pity  you. 

Ditch.  Sir,  you  tarn  my  blood  into  gall.  I'm  ruined  be 
yond  salvation.  Seventy-five — seventy-five — seventy-five  thou 
sand  dollars  !  Sir,  it  will  kill  me — I  know  hit — I  feel  hit !  I 
can't  speak  more. 

Low.  Sir,  let  us  hasten  after  them  ;  though  I  fear  you  will 
never  recover  a  cent. 

Ditch.  Sir,  I'm  squeezed — transmogrified  hin  to  a  lemon — 
han  hass  !  Don't  you  see  my  hears  growing,  sir  ?  Ha,  ha  ! 
I  feel  them  shooting  up !  Away,  sir  I  Come  again  as  a  wit 
ness. 


33 

Low.     Sir,  I  shall  call  in  again  in  an  hour.     (Exit  Low.) 

Ditch.  Now  for  the  last  swing  of  h'Amos  Ditch,  hesquire. 
Seventy-five — seventy-five  thousand  dollars!  (He fixes  a  rope 
around  the  top  of  the  bed-post.)  No,  I  won't  hang  •  my  shame 
is  so  heavy  it  will  break  the  rope.  Seventy-five  thousand  dol 
lars — my  boots  !  But  I  must  come  to  it.  ( Takes  off  his  coat 
and  cravat.}  I  won't  think  of  family  affairs.  (Commences 
putting  the  rope  around  his  neck.)  Let's  see — the  knot  on  the 
left  side;  by  my  boots,  I  forget.  I  wish  Fd  seen  some  poor 
fellow  hanged,  I'd  know  better  how  to  fix  it.  (Enter  CoNjfl- 
DENCE  and  BREES.) 

Confidence.  Ho,  friend,  what  are  you  doing?  (Slaps 
DITCH  on  the  back.) 

Ditch.  Oh,  how  you  scared  me  !  I  thought  you  were  the 
devil. 

Confidence.  Mr.  Low,  in  passing  my  door,  has  informed 
me  of  your  great  loss,  and  the  villainous  fraud  practiced  upon 
your  ignorance.  (  Unties  the  rope.)  Had  this  cord  swung  you 
into  the  next  world  you  would  not  have  found  your  money 
there. 

Ditch.  Oh,  sir,  I  cannot  live  hafter  what  has  'appened. 
(Puts  on  his  coat  and  cravat.) 

Confidence.  Come  with  us ;  we  will  follow  them,  and  do 
our  best  to  obtain  redress.  (DiTCH  cries.}  Friend  Brees, 
lend  us  a  hand.  (They  lead  him  out.} 

SCENE — A  Room  in  a  Hotel  in  San  Francisco.    Seated,  JULIA, 
CLARK,   CLARA,    SMITH,    OPERATOR,   and  Major 

KlLFARDY. 

Major.  They  must  be  here  soon.  The  Scott  starts  for 
Panama  at  twelve  o'clock  j  it  is  now — (pulling  out  his  watch 
and  looking  at  it) — eleven  o'clock.  By  my  faith,  we'd  better 
be  up  and  doing. 

Operator.  They  have  drawn  the  money,  I  suppose,  and 
have  gone  to  purchase  the  tickets,  after  placing  the  money  on 
board  the  steamer.  (Enter  MINER,  in  haste.) 

Miner.     All's  lost ;  they  have  fled  with  the  money. 

All.     Who?    What? 

Miner.  Tunnel,  Brown  and  Jones ;  they  have  drawn  the 
money  and  are  off  in  the  Scott.  (A  gun  fires.)  Hark  to  her 


34 

gun.  See,  there  she  goes.  (Scene  opens,  showing  the  harbor, 
and  the  steamer  on  her  way.) 

Operator.     Here's  a  double  farce. 

Julia.     That  fills  me  with  wretched  horror. 

Clara.     That  rids  me  of  a  pretty  husband. 

Major.     That  still  leaves  me  a  debtor  to  Low  and  High. 
Gads,  but  we  were  blind  ! — it's  wonderful. 

Miner.     How  you  sweat,  Major. 

Clara.     Well,  gentlemen,  you  have  brought  us  here ;  what 
are  you  going  to  do  with  us  ? 

Operator.     This  is  beyond  my  comprehension. 

Major.     But  they  did  it  remarkably  well. 

Smith.     Your  Highness'  purse  strings  want  tightening. 

Miner.     The  Duke  complains. 

Major.     No  more  of  this  nonsense ;  this  is  no  time  for  lev 
ity  j — action — action's  the  word. 

Operator.     Gentlemen,  for  the  present  I  leave  the  ladies  in 
your  charge. 

Smith.     Let  the  ladies  remain  at  the  hotel  until  to-morrow, 
and  let  us  all  meet  here  at  six  o'clock  this  evening. 

All.     At  six  o'clock  this  evening.     (Exit  all  except  MAJOR.) 

Major.     I  feel  like  drying  up.     How,  like   Marius,  I  could 
sit  among  the  ruins  of  Carthage,  and  muse  on  the  fortunes  of 
fate.     But  yesterday  a  Duke — to-day,  a  subject  of  abject  pov 
erty.     Well  the  poet  says- 
All  greatness  once  had  sraallness  in  its  state  ; 

And  still  a  weakness  lingers  in  its  sway 
For  empires  known.     The  grandest  of  the  great 
Have  urged  their  progress  but  to  meet  decay. 

Well,  the  wise  man  of  to-day  is  often  the  fool  of  to-morrow, 
and  vice  versa.  No  man  will  so  abandon  his  pride  as  to  ac 
knowledge  that  he's  in  debt  to  the  world  for  wisdom  or  experi 
ence.  These  are  intellectual  debts ;  and  the  same  rule  ought 
to  apply  to  bodily  debts.  Is  there  anything  certain  in  life  ? 
Is  there  anything  real?  Am,  or  am  I  not,  Major  Kilfardy? 
Low  and  High  will  swear  that  I  am  Major  Kilfardy.  Well, 
who'll  deny  it  ?  This  belly  belongs  to  me,  for  I  carry  it  about 
with  me  wherever  I  go — sometimes  full,  and  sometimes  empty, 
like  a  gambler's  purse.  But  I  feel  beefy.  As  for  me,  give  me 
«i  market-house,  before  a  capitol  or  a  palace. 


SCENE — A  Street  in  San  Francisco.     Enter  NED  and  CONFI 
DENCE. 

Confidence.  You  say  you  saw  the  party  going  down  the 
street  early  this  morning? 

Ned.  Yes,  sir,  as  I  was  going  to  market.  I  followed  'em 
down  to  the  Byronic  hotel,  where  they  went  in.  I  went  there 
again  at  dinner  time,  and  Martha,  the  waiting  maid,  who  is 
my  cousin,  told  me  they  were  all  to  be  there  again  at  six  o'clock 
this  evening. 

Confidence.  Remain  here  until  I  return.  I  wish  to  inform 
some  friends.  I'll  pay  you  well.  (Exit  CONFIDENCE.) 

Ned.     Yes,  sir.     (Enter  JOE.) 

Joe.     Well,  what  news  ?     Heard  anything  from  Sonory  ? 

Ned.     All  right  there  ;  they're  going  it  fine. 

Joe.     Have  they  found  any  gold  ? 

Ned.  No,  but  plenty  of  silver.  Walker's  men  shoot  the 
Mixicans  with  silver  bullets. 

Joe.  I  wish  I  was  there  to  pick  'em  up,  and  cut  'em  out  of 
the  dead  Mexicans.  How  goes  on  the  war  in  Russia  ? 

Ned.  Hardly  opened  yet.  But  they  do  say  that  old  Nich 
olas  has  collected  fifty  thousand  hogsheads  of  yankee  gas,  mixed 
with  Turkey  fat,  which  he  'tends  emptying  into  the  Baltic,  to 
burn  the  sea  and  ships  up. 

Joe.     I  don't  believe  a  word  of  it — it's  all  gas. 

Ned.     It's  fact — saw  it  in  the  papers. 

Joe.     Have  the  boys  taken  Cuba  yet  ? 

Ned.     No,  we  don't  want  it  'till  after  the  sickly  season. 

Joe.  I'm  off  for  China  this  evening — going  to  take  a  look 
at 'em.  I'll  be  back  in  a  week  or  so.  Good  bye.  (Tliey 
shake  hands.) 

Ned.     Good  bye.     Bring  us  a  woman  over. 

Joe.  Well,  I'll  consider  on  it.  Good  bye.  (Enter  CONFI 
DENCE.) 

Confidence.  Go  on  my  lad ;  I'll  follow  you.  I  want  you  to 
introduce  me  to  your  cousin.  I  want  to  be  placed  somewhere 
in  the  hotel  where  I  can  see  all  that  goes  on  in  Julia's  room. 
Tell  her  I'll  pay  her  well.  (Exit  both;  NEDj£rs£.  Enter 
POSTMAN.) 

Postman.  Ah,  there  he  conies.  (Looking  over  his  letters* 
Enter  OPERATOR.) 


36 

Postman.     Sir,  letter  for  you ;  one  dime  for  delivery. 

Operator.  Thank  you,  sir.  ( Gives  him  a  dime  and  takes 
the  letter.)  Good  day,  sir.  (Exit  Postman.)  From  Tunnel, 
as  I  live.  ( Opening  the  letter  and  reading  aloud. ) 

"  SIR  :  We  thought  it  best  to  leave  immediately,  as  we  feared 
a  surprise.     Come  to  New  York  as  soon  as  possible.     We  must 
provide  something  for  all  the  actors.     Come  by  next  steamer. 
Yours  as  ever, 

TUNNEL." 

Operator.  The  man  has  no  honesty,  but  he  has  gratitude. 
I  shall  give  the  actors  a  part  of  what  remains  and  then  follow. 
(Exit  OPERATOR.) 

SCENE — JULIA  seated^  singing. 
SONG. 

Away  from  my  home,  the  home  of  my  birth — 
My  father,  my  mother,  my  brother  so  dear — 

Friendless  and  homeless  I  wander  on  earth  5 
Of  Julia,  their  daughter,  they  care  not  to  hear. 

I'll  not  upbraid  them — they  know  of  my  shame  ; 

I'll  go  where  I  hear  not  the  village  bells  toll ; 
They  speak  as  a  voice  that  breathes  but  a  name — 

'Tis  Julia,  the  harlot !    There's  guilt  on  her  soul ! 

Oh,  heaven  of  mercy,  where  shall  I  go, 
To  find  but  a  moment  of  peace  or  of  rest  ? 

The  darkness  of  night  but  adds  to  my  woe — 
The  torch  of  remorse  ever  burns  in  my  breast. 

Mem'ry,  so  dear  to  the  faithful  and  true, 
Has  lost  all  its  powers  to  please  or  to  charm  ; 

The  shadows  and  shapes  it  pictured  to  view, 
Last  night,  made  me  tremble  and  quake  with  alarm. 

Where  is  that  kind  one  who  taught  me  to  wed, 
And  led  to  that  alter  the  wife  of  his  love  ? 

The  walls  of  his  mansion  but  echo  his  tread, 

As  he  breathes  a  low  moan,  more  sad  than  the  dove. 

'Twas  passion,  not  thought,  that  led  me  to  yield  : 
My  heart  was  a  fever,  but  now  it's  a  fear  ; 

My  virtue  is  gone,  and  gone  is  its  shield, 
And  all  that  is  left  me  of  life  is  a  tear. 

(Enter  CLARA  and  CLARK.) 


37 


Clara.     Oh,  how  lucky ;  you've  got  an  offer  already,  Julia. 

Clark.     How  sad  you  look,  my  pretty  duck. 

Julia.     Sir,  that  is  not  my  name. 

Clark.     Then  you  shall  be  my  charming  Duchess. 

Julia.     Sir,  neither  your  duck  nor  your  Duchess. 

Clark.  Forego  this  false  modesty  ;  it  tallies  not  with  your 
present  desolate  condition.  Come  live  with  me ;  I  will  pro 
vide  you  with  a  home. 

Clara.  And  you'll  live  so  happy,  and  have  so  many  fine 
dresses  ! 


Be  this  my  answer,  for  once 


and  all, — 


Julia. 
Clark. 
Clara. 
his  offer ; 
Julia. 


.    Julia.     Enough, 
my  husband  lives. 

Clark.  Why,  Tunnel  has  deserted  you,  and  is  half  way  to 
Panama. 

Sir,  I  speak  not  of  him ;  he  was  a  deceiver. 
Poverty  makes  her  proud  and  impertinent. 
I  always  liked  you,  Julia.     Take  my  advice,  accept 
I  have  already  selected  a  friend. 
I  thank  you  Clara ;  I  believe  you  are  sincere  in  your 
advice.     I  must  decline  his  offer.     Sir,  I  am  obliged  to  you 
for  the  compliment. 

Clark.  My  dear  Julia,  reflect.  I  will  be  all  that  you  could 
wish — a  friend,  a  companion,  a  protector ;  nay,  blush  not,  I 
speak  as  I  feel.  Tunnel  will  never  return. 

Julia.  I  believe  what  you  declare.  I  have  sinned  through 
error ;  knowing  that  error,  I  shall  sin  no  more.  I  wish  you 
well — henceforth  my  life  shall  be  pure. 

Clark.  A  woman's  virtue  once  lost,  her  character  is  blasted 
forever. 

Julia.  But  by  repentance  her  soul  may  not  be  lost  forever. 
Here  end  your  suit,  for  I  have  said  it — my  answer  is,  No  ! 

Clark.  Well  done,  thou  pretty  hypocrite  !  We  will  one  day 
yet  meet  in  the  brothel. 

Julia.     In  the  next  world  we  may  meet  j  but  at  the  brothel, 


never ! 

Clara. 

Julia, 
cries.) 

Clark. 

Clara. 


How  changed,  Julia ;  do  you  expect  to  live  on  air  ? 
I  expect  nothing  but  misery,  for  I  deserve  it.  (She 


How  beautiful  is  her  grief  ? 
How  unfortunate  is  her  obstinacy. 
SMITH,  and  OPERATOR.) 
4 


( Enter  MAJOR, 


38 

Major.  What,  a  Duchess  weeping  ?  Her  tears  should  be 
pearls  and  diamonds. 

Operator.  Have  compassion,  Major.  Always  respect  a 
woman's  grief.  Madam,  you  have  my  best  wishes  for  your 
welfare. 

Clark.  I  offer  her  a  home ;  she  refuses,  and  weeps  for  Tun 
nel. 

Julia.  He  is  gone ;  let  him  go.  My  sorrows  are  of  my 
own  creating — my  heart  is  full  of  them.  Mr.  Operator,  I  have 
not  mistaken  your  character.  You  are  truly  a  gentleman,  and 
I  thank  you  for  your  sympathy.  I  bitterly  repent  my  follies. 
There  are  few  we  can  trust ;  for  those  who  will  deceive  others 
for  the  good  of  his  companions  will  betray  his  companions  for 
the  good  of  himself.  (Enter  Low,  with  an  officer.} 

Low.     Seize  that  old  bloated  carcass  of  porter  ! 

Officer.  Sir,  I  arrest  you  in  the  name  of  the  State,  on  a 
charge  of  one  Gary  Low,  for  assault  and  battery  against  his 
person.  You  are  my  prisoner,  under  this  warrant  of  arrest. 
(Shows  the  paper.} 

Clara.     He  insults  his  Grace ;  ha,  ha ! 

Smith.     Ham,  bacon,  eggs,  mackerel ;  ha,  ha ! 

Clara.     He  smells  fishy  ;  ha,  ha  ! 

Smith.  And  let  him  be  confined  in  the  old  ice-house  until 
day-break ! 

Officer.  Come,  sir  Major,  don't  look  so  stupid;  get  up  and 
let  us  be  off. 

Major.  I  dare  not  resist  the  law,  or  I'd  knock  you  flat. 
You  are  commanded  to  bring  my  body ;  take  it,  the  law  does 
not  say  his  legs.  (Lies  down.} 

Officer.  That's  the  game,  is  it  ?  Go,  Mr.  Low,  and  bring 
a  dray. 

Major.  Do  you  see, — (getting  up}, — the  assault  was  perpe 
trated  by  my  command,  in  another  character,  not  de  facto,  not  in 
propria  persona,  ah  I—executed  de  jure — that  is,  by  proxy — 
secundum  Gunter.  Low,  if  you  ever  expect  to  get  your  money, 
you  must  go  my  bail. 

Low.     I'll  bail  all  the  liquor  out  of  that  old  bloated  belly. 

Major.  No,  don't !  Don't  do  it,  you'll  drown  yourself.  I 
am  ready,  Mr.  Officer.  Good  evening,  gentlemen.  I  hope 
Brown,  Tunnel  &  Co.  will  remember  ye  in  their  wills.  (Exit 
MAJOR,  CONSTABLE,  and  Low.) 


39 

Clara.     Your  audacity  shocks  my  veracity. 

Major.  What  ?  Dou  you  see,  that  hussy  has  a  tongue  ! 
(From  without.) 

Julia.     Mr.  Operator,  you  will  assist  the  poor  fellow. 

Operator.  Madam,  to  the  extent  of  half  my  purse.  (Enter 
DITCH,  BREES,  and  CONFIDENCE;  last  behind.) 

Ditch.  Ho,  villain !  Habsolute  monstrosity  profound ! 
Where's  my  seventy-five  thousand  dollars  ?  Speak,  you  cheat 
ing  knave  !  Let  me  hat  him  !  (DiTCH  is  held  ty  BEEES.) 

Operator.  Sir,  if  you  do  not  want  a  ditch-clout  pinned  to 
your  tail,  be  off. 

Ditch.  Oh,  Cheapside  !  Cheapside  !  What  art  thou  now  ? 
Give  me  hup  the  money,  and — I  swear  hit  by  my  boots — I'll  not 
mention  it.  By  my  boots,  I  take  my  hoath  to  hit. 

Operator.     By  your  boots  !     Your  money  ! — 

Ditch.  Himpudence  vulgarified  !  Let  me  hat  him  !  (He 
is  held  ~by  BREES.) 

Operator.  Go  home  to  the  Honorable  Board  of  Directors, 
and  tell  them  never  again  to  measure  a  man's  capacity  for  office 
by  the  length  of  his  purse.  Tell  them  that  Charles  Operator 
discovered  that  they  had  sent  out  a  fool,  and  that  he  treated 
him  as  such ;  that  for  money  he  cares  little ;  and  that  for  their 
first  lesson  in  experience  he  has  charged  them  t"he  moderate 
sum  of  seventy-five  thousand  dollars.  Good  evening  gentle 
men.  (Exit  OPERATOR.) 

Ditch.  Come  back,  knave  !  Stop  him !  He's  a  thief ! 
Un'and  me,  sir,  I  will  'ave  my  money !  Let  me  go  ! 

Smith.  Lead  him  into  the  open  air ;  he  is  fainting.  (BREES 
leads  him  out.] 

Confidence.     Julia !     Julia ! 

Julia.     Oh,  it  is  my  wretched  husband  ! 

Confidence.  Arise  !  Be  not  afraid ;  I  come  not  as  an  aven 
ger.  (Enter  BREES.) 

Clara.  Get  up  and  lean  on  me  for  support.  (CLARA  helps 
her  to  rise.) 

Confidence.  I  told  you  that  vice  or  error  would  bring  care 
and  trouble,  and  that  when  that  hour  came  I  would  be  near  at 
hand  to  assist  you. 

Julia.  Oh,  sir,  spare  me!  I  am  unworthy  of  your  thoughts. 
In  mercy's  name,  leave  me  ! 

Confidence.  Julia,  I  know  all — even  to  the  late  temptation 
have  I  been  a  silent,  yet  anxious  witness. 


40 

Julia.     Oh,  hear  me,  and  then  depart  without  cursing  me  I 

Confidence.     Gro  on,  I  will  hear  you  with  patience. 

Julia.  Shortly  after  you  departed  for  the  States  the  house 
was  destroyed  by  fire ;  the  money  you  left  for  ine  was  never 
received ;  to  earn  my  bread  I  sought  employment  at  a  hotel ; 
news  reached  of  your  death  ;  Tunnel,  who  has  always  been  kind 
and  attentive,  made  proposals  of  marriage,  which  I  refused 
until  I  should  receive  further  confirmation  of  your  death.  Soon 
after  this  period  the  hotel  was  consumed,  together  with  all  my 
effects.  I  was  now  left  without  a  home,  friends,  or  protection. 
Under  a  sworn  and  solemn  promise  to  marry  me  when  your 
death  became  fully  established,  I  became  his  companion,  and 
he  my  protector.  Now,  in  pity,  leave,  I  beseech  you. 

Confidence.  I  was  confined  in  my  bed  for  six  long  months 
by  sickness.  I  wrote  you  often,  and  when  I  came  you  denied  me. 

Julia.  I  never  received  your  letters.  I  denied  you  because 
I  deemed  myself  the  wife  of  Tunnel.  I  justified  my  denial  of 
you  under  a  belief  of  your  desertion.  Now  depart  in  conside 
ration  of  the  love  you  once  had  for  me. 

Confidence.  I  am  thy  husband.  Before  Heaven's  holy 
altar  I  have  sworn  to  honor,  cherish,  and  protect  you.  To  me 
this  oath  is  sacred,  whatever  it  may  be  to  other  men. 

Julia.  But  go  ;  I  have  forfeited  all  claim  to  your  forgive 
ness.  Your  oath  has  ceased  to  be  binding.  I  am  guilty  ! 
Oh,  haste  away ;  my  shame  will  kill  me  !  (She  arises  and 
turns  her  back  on  him,  crying.) 

Confidence.  My  oath  is  recorded  in  Heaven — written  down 
in  that  everlasting  book  by  angels,  who  attended  when  we  knelt, 
side  by  side,  before  the  altar  of  the  Faith.  That  oath  belongs 
neither  to  you  nor  to  me — it  is  in  the  possession  of  a  mightier 
power — and  vows,  thus  recorded  in  Heaven,  must  not  be  broken 
on  earth. 

Julia.     Oh,  my  Father,  how  I  have  sinned  ! 

Confidence.  But  thou  dost  repent.  Forgiven  above,  thou 
shalt  be  forgiven  here  below.  Julia,  my  wife,  come  to  the 
arms  of  thy  husband  !  (She  faints,  falling  into  his  arms.) 

Brees.  Thus,  even  in  this  wicked  world,  does  good  come  by 
repentance. 

All.     Amen ! 


DUKE  OF  SACRAMENTO 


XJ. 


CO., 


Publishers  of   Appleton's  Reciter," 

ontiiiniug:  Shnmus    O'Brien — The"  Vagabonds — Flvnn   of  Virgini; 

Beantitul  Snow — Bingen  on  the  Rhim — Sheridmn's  Rifle — Gray's 

Kleiry — Tl\e  Raven — Barren  Frietchie — Birds  of  Si^-lis. 

and  numero'.is  others  of  equal  nierit. 


of 


,  2S 


